How do I deal with my daughter asking questions about homosexuality?
Question:
Hi Jeff,
Over the last few months, the topic of homosexuality has come up between my twins, who are almost 12 years old. They are male and female twins. My daughter has asked questions about homosexuality. She says that some of her friends claim that they are "gay" and hold hands in school. I've had a casual conversation about how she can discuss with them how God thinks it's wrong. I also explained that their parents might not teach them, and they may just be trying to be trendy with today's world views. I didn't go too deep into the conversation, but we talked about what God says about homosexuality, and I told her that it is a choice to engage in things like that.
The other day, my son, in a joking tone, said something to her like, "Well, aren't you gay?" Mean, I know, and I told him not to joke like that, but I keep an eye on their Internet use. I saw that she is looking up content on lesbian and gay material. There are blocks on certain sites, but there always seems to be a workaround that allows them to still access them.
My question is, how should I approach a conversation about this, as I think she feels she is interested in other girls? It may be due to peer pressure from friends, general attraction, or something else, but I wish to teach her the importance of this. Is she possibly just going through "changes" in her life, sorting out new feelings, and learning how to deal with them? Should I address it now or wait until later? I have no problem with addressing the issue, but I am curious about how my wife or I should approach something like this, given that she is so young.
Thanks.
Answer:
For a girl, she is not "so young." On average, girls begin puberty about a year before boys do. The average time to begin changing for girls is 10 to 11 years old. Thus, it is time for you or your wife, or both of you, to sit down and start teaching her about what God has said about sex. You can use the material I've written (Growing Up in the Lord for Teenage Girls) or material from some other author. Just make sure that the topics are thoroughly covered with plenty of scripture citations to back up the points. Essentially, this sort of problem is best dealt with through information. Don't approach it by telling her what she must believe; rather, guide her in discovering what God said on the matter and why God is right. It takes the excitement and mystique out of the topic. Putting off discussing these matters will only make her interest in the subject a habit over time.
For a boy, the average time to begin changing is 11-12 years old. Typically, boys are curious about the subject of sex, but don't show a strong interest until they reach the time they start having ejaculations. Thus, you may have a few more years before you need to have discussions with your son. However, it wouldn't hurt to have a "light" discussion with him now, and to review and dig deeper into the topic when he gets older.
