How do I convince my girlfriend that I’m the right person for her?
Question:
Good day,
I'm in my mid-twenties and my girlfriend is in her early-twenties. We've been dating for just over a year and we love each other very deeply. We are committed to each other with the intention of being together long-term. She was having a few doubts because of our religious differences. She's Christian and I'm Hindu. She asked her prophet if we were going to be together long term and he said otherwise.
We still love each other very much and say it to each other every moment we feel deeply connected to each other. She's pushing me away slowly because of this but I even asked if I had to change, what would be the outcome of our future and he said it's pretty much the same. I don't believe him because as long as we've been together we would do anything for each other.
Can you please tell me how can I convince her that I am the right person for her even after I change and go to church with her? Could this be a true prophecy and could we fight this and prove them wrong that our love is stronger than that? I do believe strongly that we could get through any problem and live together happily. We're very understanding and loving and these qualities are enough for a beautiful future together as a couple.
Please let me know and offer any advice possible.
Thank you.
Answer:
Generally, couples who have different religious beliefs struggle more in marriage. There is a point of contention between the two. If they settle the problem by each following their own belief, it eventually becomes a point of contention when children come along. In which religion will the children be raised? When the children get conflicting answers to their questions, it is common for them to decide that there is no answer and turn to atheism.
You mention that you plan to change religions and attend her church. It would be great that you become a follower of Christ because of the conviction of your belief that it is the truth. However, I'm left with the impression that you are only considering changing in order to marry this woman. Being a Christian only in name is not really being a Christian.
"If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, saying, 'This man began to build and was not able to finish.'" (Luke 14:26-30).
Jesus' point is that true Christianity requires full commitment.
Another difficulty that I see is that your girlfriend believes that there is modern-day prophecy, despite the fact that God said in the Bible that prophecy would end with the completion of the Bible. See Are Prophets for Today?
The decision for whether to marry is between the two people involved. I gave you information that you need to consider. However, ultimately, the responsibility for the decision is shared between the two of you.
Question:
Good day,
Thank you for the response. I read everything and I have a few questions. I understand that some couples of different religions will have contention, but I have seen many couples of Hindu and Christian families come together. My cousin and her husband got married in a Christian way and Hindu way and live together happily with 3 kids. A close friend of mine was of a similar background and they let him choose which religion he would follow and he chose Christianity.
There is a degree of open-mindedness that is required for couples to survive and be happy. My girlfriend was told that it is sinful to be married to an unbeliever which is really sad to think about. How can it be so sinful to be in love with someone who is kind, decent, giving, and caring? I've been so loving and supportive of her. I've watched her grow from strength to strength with the love I've given her. Why is that so wrong? She was made to believe that it's so wrong by what people are telling her and that it will not work out despite all the things we've been through. We do have fights like any couple but always come back to each other stronger.
I ask you if God loves all of us equally in spite of our differences, why is it so bad for 2 people who deeply love each other to be together? She's only doing this because people have convinced her, despite how much I love her, that it won't work out when I know it will. I'm open-minded, I'm not someone who imposes anything on anyone. At the end of the day, I just want to see her happy with me.
There has to be a way to look past certain things and trust in the love and happiness that we find in each other. If you could still help me with this, I would really appreciate it. Even any prayer that may be necessary.
Thank you.
Answer:
My previous answer was that marriages, where the couples practice different religions, are generally unsuccessful. However, I realize that there are people who are going to try mixed marriages anyway. Ultimately, it is the couple's choice. I just want you to make the choice knowing what you might face.
That some people managed to make their marriage work is not a guarantee that your marriage will work.
You keep asking how a mixed marriage could be sinful when that was not what I stated. You are arguing with the wrong person. However, I should point out that claims of being in love don't turn something sinful into something righteous. See Using Love as an Excuse. Similarly, claims that apparent goodness is coming from something sinful doesn't alter the morality of an action. "And why not say (as we are slanderously reported and as some claim that we say), "Let us do evil that good may come"? Their condemnation is just" (Romans 3:8). While I think your choice is unwise, it isn't sinful. However, the way you are trying to argue your case isn't logically effective.
In the end, the decision to marry is made by the two people involved. If she is convinced that the marriage is not going to work, dragging her into marriage is not going to promote a healthy and loving relationship. You need a wife who will love you and stand by you despite what other people say.
Yes, God loves all the world (John 3:16). He has given all of mankind an equal chance to be one of His children. However, this doesn't lead to the conclusion that God accepts everyone as they are without change. Those who refuse to change will be lost. "He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God" (John 3:18-21).
