How can I gain true repentance?
Question:
[Note: This is an abbreviated version of the long letter I was sent.]
How can I find true repentance? It is what I seek. I confess my sin to God, but I fall again. I made many mistakes before. In my ignorance, I thought I would offer sacrifices to God for my forgiveness. I made many vows to God. I feel a satanic presence in my body that does not stop bothering me. I have begged God to take away my evil thoughts, but I know that it's my fault. But I don't want to continue complaining without feeling its transformation. Sometimes I think that by baptizing me, this will go away. I think thoughts like the words "lousy" and "devil" are against the Spirit.
I can still be saved. I seek Jesus in prayer. I no longer want to be blasphemous in addition to pornography. I'm not sure if He will forgive me. Sometimes, I think that if I get baptized in the church where I attend occasionally, I will be better. Still, I must repent, and for that I must stop watching pornography. I must stop thinking bad things against God I must give a fruit of repentance I have read Matthew 12.
"Whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come. Either make the tree good, and its fruit good, or make the tree evil, and its fruit evil; for by the fruit the tree is known. Generation of vipers! How can you speak the good, being bad? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man brings good things out of the good treasure of the heart, and an evil man brings bad things out of the evil treasure. But I say to you, for every idle word that men speak, they will give an account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned" (Matthew 12:33-37).
Answer:
Repentance is when you decide to change your mind about the acceptability of sin, and you change your behavior. "For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11). Though you know that you are responsible, you approach your problems with the hope that God will take the sins away from you. God promises that you will always have a choice (I Corinthians 10:13); however, the choice is yours to make.
Repentance doesn't mean that your struggles with sin are over; it means that you are committed to overcoming them. Satan knows your weaknesses, and he will seek to exploit them. You will continue to be tempted, and you might slip. The difference between the righteous and the wicked is not that the righteous never sin. The righteous change when they realize they have sinned; they don't make a practice of sinning. "No one who is born of God practices sin, because His seed abides in him; and he cannot sin, because he is born of God. By this the children of God and the children of the devil are obvious: anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor the one who does not love his brother" (I John 3:9-10).
What do you do when you sin? You get back up! "For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, but the wicked stumble in time of calamity" (Proverbs 24:16). Look at what led to your giving in to sin, and then make changes so that it will be less likely to happen.
Baptism doesn't cause you to stop sinning. If it did, then there would be no need for all the warnings to be on guard against sin. You are baptized to become a Christian and dedicate your life to serving God. It isn't a religion of convenience. You choose to worship God as He directed. You spend time learn His teachings in the Bible so you can live a life pleasing to Him. As you journey through life, you realize that your exposure to God and His teaching changes you.
