How Can I Control My Emotions?
by Jefferson David Tant
Adapted from "Questions Young People Ask"
What’s your thought? Is fire good or bad? You probably would say that it depends on the circumstances. On a cold winter night, logs burning in a fireplace can provide warmth. That’s good. Uncontrolled, however, the flames can quickly spread and destroy the entire house. That’s bad.
It’s the same with your emotions. When controlled, they’re helpful, enabling you to develop warm friendships. Unrestrained, they can be destructive, not only to you, but also to those around you.
As an adolescent, you may sometimes find yourself overcome by anger or sadness. How can you control those emotions? Let’s discuss them.
Defusing Anger
It’s not easy to deal with the hurt and pain that come when you’re the victim of mistreatment. Some in that situation lose self-control. In fact, the Bible speaks of people who are “given to anger” and “disposed to rage.”
"Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man” (Proverbs 22:24).
“An angry man stirs up strife, And a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression” (Proverbs 29:22).
This is no small matter. Uncontrolled anger can cause you to take action that you’ll later regret. So how can you control your emotions when you’ve been mistreated?
First, analyze the situation squarely, and see if you can settle the matter in your heart. “Tremble, and do not sin; Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah” (Psalm 4:4). Remember, paying back “harm for harm” will only make matters worse. “See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people" (I Thessalonians 5:15). A person harboring resentment is like a hooked fish — both are controlled by someone else.
After thinking the matter over and praying about it, you might find that you can let go of resentment. Then you will reduce its hold on you. “Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing” (Psalm 37:8).
But what if the hurt feelings just won’t go away? The Bible says there “is a time to keep quiet and a time to speak” (Ecclesiastes 3:7). Can you talk to the person who hurt you? If that’s not advisable, you might benefit by talking to your parents or a mature friend about how you feel. If someone is purposely trying to hurt you, make a special effort to be kind to that one.
For example, “My classmate ridicules me.” You can respond with an insult, or you can ignore the remark, and show your classmate that he will not provoke you. “My sister ‘borrowed my shoes without asking me.” You can jerk them away from her and scold her, or you can say, “I’m glad you like my shoes. Let me know when you need them again.”
By all means, pray to God, asking for help to overcome the urge to retaliate and hold resentment against those who may have wronged you. If you allow yourself to be controlled by anger, you are like the hooked fish mentioned earlier. You are allowing someone else to rule you, and wouldn’t you rather be the one in control?
Coping with Sadness
Laura, age 16, commented that she was moody and self-critical and that she often cried herself to sleep at night. The pressures of life had overwhelmed her. What about you, dear reader? Many young people feel unable to deal with what they feel life demands of them. They may feel they are a failure because they don’t seem to measure up to what they think their parents expect of them.
Yes, there are challenges that come with puberty and growing up, but this is a part of life. Some resort to self-harm, or shutting oneself off from the world and just becoming more or less a hermit. But this doesn’t solve the problem. It only makes it worse.
One way to deal with this is to have a serious talk with your parents, or maybe a compassionate teacher, or a mature member of the church you attend. Your feelings are not unique. They have happened to other young people. “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17). 16-year-old Liliana talked with some older friends from the church she attended, thinking that since they were older than she was, perhaps they could give some wise advice. It worked. Jennifer said that one of the greatest things she did was to know that others really cared for her and that she could talk to them when things were bleak.
And importantly, when you are down in the dumps, don’t forget prayer. “Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken” (Psalm 55:22). God knows about your suffering and difficulties. “Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you” (I Peter 5:7).
God knows our hearts, and through Him, we can find help — "for God is greater than our heart and knows all things” (I John 3:20).
If your sadness continues, perhaps you have some health problem and might need to have a medical checkup. To ignore the problem would be like turning up the volume on the car radio to drown out the noise coming from the engine. If you have some medical condition, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. That’s part of living in this old world. Take advantage of medical help.
Remember that your emotions are like the fire mentioned at the beginning of this article. If controlled, they can be helpful, but if not controlled, they are dangerous. Keep your emotions under control, and your life will be better.
