by Tammy Martin
This has been heavy on my heart to share since last night, so I’m going to listen to that inner prompting and share it. At 17, I was raped and became pregnant. The amount of “Christians” who encouraged me to terminate, murder, or kill (no pretty way to say that) the little life growing inside me still boggles my mind to this day. Instead of loving support, there were a lot of “God doesn’t expect you to raise this baby, it will be better off with Jesus anyway.” And I’d be lying if I didn’t admit those thoughts crossed my mind too.
Thankfully, my family and a few (very, very few) close friends were supportive of my decision to keep my child and raise him. Everyone else immediately began to question why I would choose to keep a baby conceived in violence and a huge portion of those people then made up and believed and spread the lie that I must be “covering something up” to be so willing to keep the baby, because who does that if they’ve truly been raped? Those people will answer to God for that.
Here he is 15 years later. Last night he spoke at church and as I watched him step up to the pulpit and pull out his Bible, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with thankfulness that God truly does indeed make beauty from ashes. That He can take something intended for evil and turn it into good. That I could have missed out on being a part of this precious life if I had listened to the crowd that justified aborting him or giving him up for adoption, at the very least.
I don’t know what is in store for Dalton’s future but I do know that from the moment I laid eyes on him, with his little old man face and eyes of an old soul, I knew he wasn’t mine to keep. As I look around at the condition of our nation, our freedoms being stripped, censored, churches shut down, cities burning... so much turmoil and unrest, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it concerns me as a mom-to-be raising children in such a state. And then looking at this baby of mine, because he’ll always be that to me, the Lord keeps bringing that phrase from Esther 4:14 to my mind, “For such a time as this.” I can’t really decide if it brings me comfort or scares me more. What I do know is the same God that gave me peace and strength and carried me through as a lost, scared, traumatized, and lonely, pregnant 17-year-old is the same God who holds the future, and nothing takes Him by surprise.