Question:

If a Christian sister falls into formication with a brother who is engaged, and both have sincerely repented, is it necessary for the sister to call the brother's fiancée to apologize as a form of restitution?  Does the brother need to tell his fiancée and show her the sister he fornicated with? Is it advisable for the sister to attend his wedding that is taking place within a few months of the incident?

Answer:

The man needs to tell his fiancee that he committed fornication because this impacts her decision regarding whether she wants to continue with the marriage or not. She does not need to know the details of who he had sex with or how many times. She will likely want to know why it happened. Very likely she will want to delay the marriage or call it off completely because he has demonstrated that he cannot remain faithful to his commitments.

This has nothing to do with restitution. A person is forgiven when they repent and change their behavior. But sin often has repercussions. I assume that he and his fiancee have discussed their sexual past and she has an expectation at marriage that he has remained pure during their engagement. Thus, she needs a chance to decide what to do with this new information. For her to discover it after their marriage will rightly cause her to feel she was trapped because he did not tell her.

The woman he had sex with also repented, but it does the fiancee no good to know who her fiance committed fornication with. Rather, it will cause strained relationships in the future if they ever meet. The woman should decline to attend the wedding if it takes place. Her presence will cause hard feelings and awkwardness.

Question:

Thank you, sir, for the response. Please sir, one more question from the answer you gave. Is it necessary for the sister to call the brother to confirm whether he has told his fiancée about what happened? What she wants to do what is right and clear her conscience. If he has not done that, she wants to encourage him to do so since the marriage is in a few days. Sir, that is why I said it is urgent.

The sister said she was diagnosed with hepatitis B. She doesn't know whether to ask the brother to go and check his status, even though they did not have sex. They were involved in kissing and romance. She has been crying to God that the brother should not test positive since she is the one that caused everything. It was an act of the sister's frustration. The brother was trying to help out, but he fell into temptation. The sister has been dying of guilt. Sin is really heavy.

Please, sir, we need your help in this situation.

Answer:

According to the United States' health organization, "Hepatitis B is not spread through sneezing, coughing, hugging, or breastfeeding. Although the virus can be found in saliva, it is not believed to be spread through kissing or sharing utensils." [When Someone Close To You Has Chronic Hepatitis B - CDC]. WebMD goes a bit further: "The chance of transmission with deep kissing is unknown, as no infections have been definitively documented after exposure to infected saliva. Yet, since HBV has been found in saliva, the risk of transmission with deep kissing probably exists and the risk increases if one partner wears orthodontic braces or has open cuts or sores in the mouth" [Hepatitis and Sex: Frequently Asked Questions]. I would conclude from this that the odds of his picking up Hepatitis B is low.

It is not the woman's responsibility to make sure that the man does the right thing. She needs to disconnect from him. Though she feels responsible, God states that sexual sins are individual choices.  "Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:18). He is responsible for the bad choices he made, just as she is responsible for her own bad choices.

Response:

Thank you, sir, for being a voice for Christ in our generation. May the Lord grant you more grace to continue to labor for Him in restoring perishing souls back to God. I am grateful for your answers. Under God, remain blessed and lifted. Amen.

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