Do We Cut Ties with Family Members Who Are Not Members of the Church?
Question:
Hello Sir,
I have a question that maybe you can help me to understand.
I attend a Church of Christ, and in my youngest daughter's Bible class, she is being told we must cut off contact with family members who are not members of the church.
I have two older children who are off and on their own. They are great kids, good moral children (at least to the world's standards). They do not disrespect my rules in my home when they come around (which isn't too often) to visit, nor do they demean or disrespect our faith; they are very respectful and often will gladly hear and engage in any faith-based talks we have. I give you this background so you understand our relationship's dynamic. I will see my oldest daughter when schedules permit or at holiday family events. My question is, do I have to cut contact with them and not invite them over for holiday events, out for an occasional lunch, or out to Christmas shop together? My youngest is being told we have to cut them off because they are not members of the church.
I know, of course, to put God first; I don't question that. I pray every day without ceasing for my two older kids to come to Christ, give their lives to him, and follow him with pure obedience. I guess I am concerned that if I cut them out of my life, how can I be an example of a good Christian? They will no longer see our examples. If they don't visit or spend time with us, our faith-based talks will be nonexistent. What if one of those would have been the talk that pricked their hearts? I try to plant seeds where I can and encourage them. I'm just at a loss. This is not the first time the church has put this in our ears. I need some sound doctrine and clarification on how to handle this. If this is what we are to do, then so be it. God comes first.
Thank you for your time.
Answer:
Let's look at the command in its context:
"I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world. But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler--not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges. Remove the wicked man from among yourselves" (I Corinthians 5:9-13).
Paul's concern is about showing acceptance of people who call themselves Christian but clearly do not live the Christian life. I'm assuming that your two older children have not become Christians in the way that the Bible defines Christianity. Your association with them does not promote immoral practices. This is not the sort of situation Paul was discussing. Paul is dealing with immoral people who call themselves Christians and who have been withdrawn from by the church because of their sins.
One expects a parent to have dealings with his children. People realize that we have to deal with bosses and employees, school teachers, community leaders, etc. Most will not be members of the church. So long as my dealings with them do not promote sin, I do my best to represent Christ. Ask those who advocate isolating non-Christian family members if they insist that people quit their jobs if their employers are not Christians. "All who are under the yoke as slaves are to regard their own masters as worthy of all honor so that the name of God and our doctrine will not be spoken against. Those who have believers as their masters must not be disrespectful to them because they are brethren, but must serve them all the more, because those who partake of the benefit are believers and beloved. Teach and preach these principles" (I Timothy 6:1-2). Paul taught us that we should treat non-Christian bosses honorably. Why are they advocating a different set of rules simply because people are family members?
Response:
Thank you! I appreciate your time.
