Question:

Dear sir,

I want to say a very big Thank You, for creating this platform to express our minds.

I have a little problem, and I need your advice, sir. I am from a Christian home. I know the importance of Christian doctrine, and I tried as much as possible to live by this doctrine. Until less than a year ago, I finally made up my mind to have a boyfriend. I felt the time was right as I had reached my mid-twenties. My problem is that we started having sex. I regretted doing it in the beginning. We are both Christians though, but it seems we couldn't control ourselves. It became a routine in our relationship. I feel bad so much that this often led to some kind of argument, then we would promise not to do it again and then we failed.

Recently we've not had an opportunity to commit this sin since he is far away from me. We live in the same city, but in different houses. I love him so much and he loves me too and he always says he has intentions of marrying me.

Please, what do I do? Should I break up with him or is there a possibility we can continue our relationship fighting against sexual sins together?

Thank you, sir.

Answer:

We don't live under the Old Law, but it had a law that covered your situation. "If a man finds a girl who is a virgin, who is not engaged, and seizes her and lies with her and they are discovered, then the man who lay with her shall give to the girl's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall become his wife because he has violated her; he cannot divorce her all his days" (Deuteronomy 22:28-29). Exodus 22:16-17 also tells us that the woman's father had the right to refuse the marriage, but regardless, the man still owed the dowry.

This law doesn't apply to Christians, but Paul made a similar statement. "But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:9). It is not an absolute requirement that those who commit fornication must marry, but it should be seriously considered.

While you claim that you could not help yourselves, that is not an honest assessment of the situation. "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it" (I Corinthians 10:13). Fornication is clearly a common sin. You've always had the ability to say "No." And you always had an option to avoid the temptation, such as deciding to get married.

Accepting your statement that the two of you want to get married, then the solution is to have a wedding before you get into bed with each other again.

As it stands, you may claim to be Christians and you think this is only a little problem, but neither of you will reach heaven with this sin charged against you. "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). You both need to make some serious changes in your life.

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