I feel like I’m supposed to marry this guy, but I don’t want to
Question:
Hello.
I am a girl who has been having anxieties and no freedom in my mind. There is a guy at church who I don't want to marry, but it seems like he likes me and I don't. I am not attracted to him at all.
It's been a battle in me where I have been having these thoughts more like battles in which whenever I do something that might not be right or I feel like it's not pleasing to God, just anything, I would have these thoughts that would say that if you do this or that you are committing to marrying him. It's all in my head and he has no idea about it. I don't even speak to him accept a greeting. I would have these fears in me and it went on to where I have been making promises in my heart and mind that I would marry this guy that I don't want to marry, and now I feel like God would want me to marry because of these promises I made in my heart. I feel like He wants me to marry him because some promises I made purposefully in my heart and kind of willingly and because of that I feel like it's not reversible and it's marriage already. I feel really bound in my mind and my question is will God consider those promises too that I made in my heart is that marriage to God? Will I sin against God if I don't marry that person that I don't want to marry because of this?
Please it's so real. I really need advice and help because it's too much. I feel guilt, fear, and anxiety in my heart and I just feel like I don't have the freedom to like and marry anyone I want to marry. Please I need you to help me. Please, I really need help. I just feel like I am married already. I know it's crazy but that's whats going on.
Recently these thoughts came to me saying that if you don't repent from this you will surely marry him. I believed those thoughts and actually made a kind of commitment to marry him by force in a sense if I don't repent. I remember telling God that I repent but it was sincere. Now I feel like I am stuck. Do I have to marry him? Is it too late for me or can I still ask God to forgive me, so I can marry whoever I want and not feel bound to marry this guy? I don't really know how marriage works in God’s sight. I feel so bound please help me. I have been dealing with these thoughts for quite a while now and they are tormenting me.
Answer:
It appears that your imagination is more real to you than reality. Everything you mentioned is completely a result of your imagination and it is a flawed imagination.
Of course, God wants you and everyone else to repent of their sins (II Peter 3:9), but I noted that you never once mentioned a sin that you committed.
Instead, you imagined that you might marry a guy who has never even expressed interest in you. Marriage is a covenant made between two consenting parties. Don't you think the guy has something to say about this? You even mentioned something about forcing him to marry you. That would not be a true marriage. You also say you are not interested in him, so that settles the matter.
God does not typically select who you are to marry. Everyone is given a free choice to decide if they want to marry and who they wish to marry. God does tell us how to make a good decision in selecting a marriage partner, but individuals decide if they wish to follow God or not.
If you persist in this fantasy, then you need to discuss with your doctor about whether it is possible that you might be suffering from schizophrenia.
Question:
I would like to understand something. Is someone considered married in the eyes of God when they make vows in front of the church or court? If I understand this I believe it will help me understand and not have to battle with all these fears.
Another question: Can a person also break an engagement and doesn't God consider that a sin?
Thank you.
Answer:
There are several aspects of a covenant that makes it different from a vow. Official weddings meet those requirements. See Marriage Covenants.
Breaking an agreement is wrong and should be confessed before God, just like any other sin. However, engagements can end before marriage. An example of this is Joseph, who decided to end his engagement with Mary because he thought she had committed fornication (Matthew 1:19). It is not a light decision, but it is allowed to happen.
