Do I tell my husband that I had an affair before we married?


Hi, and good day,

I don't know if you can read this email or answer it, but I still want to confess my sins to someone. I stumbled upon your post online about adultery and fornication.

Here is my story and question:

I have been a woman who believes in Jesus Christ ever since I was a child. We always attend mass growing up. On that note, I believe I follow Jesus, but on the inside, I suffer from sexual thoughts and lust. I will look good and clean outside but am dirty and filthy inside.

When my partner came, we had a good relationship, but because of that relationship, I suffered more with my sexual promiscuity. We engage in sexual immorality and fornication. Although I didn't like giving myself to him at first, I did because of the lust of the flesh. We engaged in fornication until he went away to work overseas.

By this time, I thought I would be able to stop engaging in sexual encounters, but I was wrong. I always view myself to be loyal, faithful, and loving. I love my partner so much that I thought I would never have the capacity to cheat on him, but I did, and I was wrong. I put my faith in myself, but my flesh is weak. I became an easy target because of the lust of my flesh.

I knew this man from work, and at first, he only offered friendship. I don't know; I am just naive or foolish to not see this from the start, but that friendship turned into something else. We carry on an affair for a few months. By this time, I felt awful and lost. I haven't prayed during this time because I feel unworthy of saving I didn't only give myself before marriage to my partner but to someone else.

I just feel guilty for what we have done, and thankfully, that affair ended. We said sorry and apologized to each other, and until now, we haven't crossed that line again. I know the gravity of the things that I have done, and I fully regret all of it. I wish I could turn back time and change the foolish decision I made, but here I am now, regretting the things I have done every day.

Then, after a year of that affair, my fiance came home, and we got married. I do not doubt that I love my husband so much, and right now, I am fully committed to being faithful and loyal to him. After being married to my husband, I suddenly felt the conviction to confess all of my sins and past sexual encounters to him. I prayed to God for forgiveness, and I repented of my sins. I have learned my lessons, and I know I will never make that same choice of a mistake again. This sin gave me anxiety, guilt, and shame. I don't think I have the capacity to do that horrible and disgusting thing again. More importantly, I am married now.

Right now, I don't have a desire to engage in sexual sin anymore other than my husband. We are in a long-distance relationship again after we got married. But I don't engage anymore with pornographic materials or masturbation. I am determined to be on celebacy until my husband and i will be together again.

My question is: Do I have to divulge this if I have already repented and asked for forgiveness through God? Will I still need to confess this to my husband? Please enlighten me.

Thank you.


As you noted, you sinned with the man who eventually became your husband, and you sinned with a co-worker. Your sins were against God and against yourself. "Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:18). The fact that you sinned did not create any obligation to the guys you had sex with.

Your husband did not marry you, thinking you were a virgin. After all, he already committed fornication with you. It is highly unlikely that he will ask about your past sexual experiences, just as you are unlikely to ask about his past experiences. You must always be honest with your spouse, but there is no requirement to tell your husband about things that happened before you were married.

What is important is that you gave up your sins. Following God is essential in all things because we are here to serve Him (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14). You wandered off into sin by following your desires. Pleasure is a very unreliable guide to the truth. In the same way, you cannot follow religions teaching the rules of men and expect to reach heaven (Matthew 7:21-23). Always check your Bible for what God says on any matter.

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