Do I need to confess my sin again?
Question:
Hi,
I’ve been in the church of Christ since I was a kid. I am now a young adult and not married. I struggled with sexual sins in my early 20s. One day I decided to tell my family because I felt guilty. My parents suggested that I go to the church and ask for forgiveness publicly, but my public confession was to ask the church to pray for my sins and help me become a better Christian. I never told the church the details of my exact sexual sin.
I was doing good and then I committed a sexual sin again (having sex). I’m very disappointed in myself but I don’t want to have to go forward again in public at my church because I feel my parents are going to be disappointed and ashamed. I prayed to God for forgiveness but now I’m not sure if that’s enough.
My question is: If I did a sexual sin and it’s not public knowledge, do I still have to go up and ask for forgiveness, even though I asked God for forgiveness? Is my sin public even though people don’t know? And is there a way I can ask for forgiveness without publicly standing up to the church or is that the only way?
Hopefully, this makes sense. I am hoping to hear back from you soon.
Answer:
It seems to me that your focus is in the wrong direction. See Does sin require a public confession before a congregation? Confession to others is a tool to be used to help you conquer your sins.
You admitted you have sinned to God, which is required (I John 1:5-2:1). You talked to your parents about your problem, which seemed to have motivated you to stay away from sin at least for a while. But it doesn't sound like you have gotten anyone to help you work on conquering your sins. "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. ... My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins" (James 5:16,19-20).
Thus, while you got your house in order for a while, sin eventually crept back into your life. It didn't start back up with you committing fornication. I'm certain that you have been making a series of small compromises that eventually led to you dropping your pants. What you really need is an in-depth study of sexual sin so that you are better armed in battling temptations. You also need someone you trust to talk to regularly about your struggles and who can give you advice on how to deal with these temptations.
Remember, the goal is to stay out of sin. Now, if telling everyone in the congregation is going to help you stay away from fornication, then use that tool. Just understand that God doesn't require it.
