Do I have to marry him because we had sex?
Question:
I am in my early twenties, a newly born-again Christian and a Protestant. I am in a relationship with a Catholic guy for over five years. We did have sex and he has been loyal to me all these years. He is also a violent and angry person.
As I grew in Christ, I came to know that I had sinned and had to leave my Catholic boyfriend because I want a Christian marriage in the future. I learned that Catholics are not always in agreement with the Bible. I do not want to become a Catholic, nor did I want to forcibly convert my boyfriend into becoming a Christian because that wouldn't make any sense. Moreover, his family has strictly told me that if I want to marry him, I have to convert to Catholicism, and he loves his parents more than me.
Though he is a Catholic, he never prays to Mother Mary and is never interested in going to church or understanding the Bible. His behavior toward me is often not nice, but he claims that he loves me a lot and wants us to marry soon in a Catholic way because of his parents' pressure. He says that he will convert to Christianity later on, after marriage. He doesn't want me to marry anyone else because he thinks that now that we had sex we cannot be separated. We have to marry; otherwise, it will be a sin in the eyes of God according to him.
I don't feel comfortable with him now after all these years as he is not Christian and there will be problems later on. I never wanted to become a Catholic. I want my marriage to be Christ-centered, regardless of my past sins, but he is not at all able to understand the Bible or the meaning of a godly marriage. I am in a dilemma about whether to marry him or not. I really love him a lot, with fasting and tears I have prayed to God to change him. He accepts Christianity but is not ready to leave Catholicism.
Would it be a sin that after having sex with him that I don't marry this guy? He wants me to marry him at any cost because he doesn't want to marry any other girl and someday he thinks that he will become Christian. Should I marry him, trusting God will one day listen to my prayer and make him born again after our marriage?
Answer:
One of the reasons having sex outside of marriage is wrong is because sex alone carries no commitment. His claim that it would be a sin for you to marry someone else has no biblical basis.
You should not marry a person because of who he claims he might become. You have to look at who he is currently. You've told me:
- He is often angry and violent
- He is not religious (despite claiming to be a Roman Catholic)
- He is not nice
- He loves his parents more than you
To soften this, you told me you love him and that he is loyal.
I won't make this decision for you, but you have to decide whether this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with based on who he is and not who you hope he might become. Once you are married, there will be fewer reasons to try and impress you. If he doesn't have enough faith to obey God now, the chances that he might develop such faith in the future is not likely.
Until you are married, you need to move out on your own and stop having sex. I would suggest that you move out into your own place immediately and then decide whether you want to marry him when there is less pressure.
