Can someone remain in an adulterous marriage without sin?
Question:
The minister at my congregation recently led a Bible study on marriage, divorce, and remarriage. During the study, he said that he agrees with Matthew 19:9, which teaches that a spouse may divorce someone because of sexual immorality. However, he then argued that the guilty party is also permitted to remarry.
He repeatedly emphasized the idea that the guilty party may continue to “burn” with sexual desire after the divorce, and that God, because He is loving, forgiving, and merciful, would make provision for someone who could not bear that situation. His position was that if the guilty party remarries, he can then ask God for forgiveness and repent. According to his explanation, the adultery occurs only at the moment the person marries the second person, because Matthew 19:9 says that “whoever marries another commits adultery.” He therefore believes that once the person has committed that adultery, he can repent, receive forgiveness, and remain in the second marriage.
He also argued that God hates divorce and would not want the second marriage and the family that has been established in that marriage to be destroyed by requiring the person to divorce again.
I find this interpretation extremely difficult to reconcile with Scripture.
When a man initially marries his first wife, he enters into a covenant with her. If he then commits sexual immorality and she divorces him because of it, Scripture specifically addresses the innocent party’s freedom from the marriage. It does not say that the guilty party is thereby released from his covenant obligations simply because the innocent spouse divorced him.
The issue becomes even more significant because this entire discussion arose in the context of selecting elders. There has been substantial disagreement over whether many of the men who applied for eldership are qualified, particularly because of their previous marriages and divorces. The minister does not believe that these men are disqualified.
Part of his reasoning is that once the first wife has divorced the man, she is no longer his wife. Therefore, if he subsequently marries another woman, he is not technically a husband of “two wives,” and this would not disqualify him from serving as an elder. In other words, the argument is that because the first marriage has ended, the man can marry again, repent of the adultery that occurred when he entered the second marriage, and continue in the second marriage without remaining in an adulterous relationship or being disqualified from eldership.
What I cannot understand is how this reasoning follows from the biblical text. If the guilty party was not released from the original covenant simply because the innocent spouse divorced him, then it is problematic to conclude that he is free to enter another marriage merely because the first wife is no longer married to him. Likewise, if Scripture specifically gives the innocent spouse a basis for divorce because of sexual immorality, it does not follow that by saying the guilty spouse receives the same freedom to remarry.
This treats repentance as permitting someone to remain in a marriage that Scripture would otherwise identify as adulterous and concludes that each sexual act following the act of marriage is not adultery simply because verses say he is committing adultery when he marries.
That is why I am struggling with this teaching, particularly as it relates to the qualifications for eldership. The question is not simply whether God forgives someone who has committed adultery. Of course God forgives repentant sinners. The question is whether repentance allows a person to enter or remain in a marriage that Scripture does not permit, and whether that person can then be considered qualified to serve as an elder.
Answer:
"For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man" (Romans 7:2-3).
Adultery is not a one-time event when a person marries while still under a covenant (law) of another person. The person remains in adultery until the original spouse dies. Asking for forgiveness for sins without repentance is worthless.
Since an elder must demonstrate the proper Christian life (Titus 1:5-9), a man in an adulterous marriage would not be qualified for the eldership.
Yes, God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). This doesn't mean He accepts the breaking of the first marriage covenant by the adulterer. Sins have consequences. An accidental killing is a matter of a moment, but the person was restricted to the boundaries of the city of refuge until the current High Priest died (Numbers 35:26-28). His repentance will not change the sentence. It doesn't matter how much he wants to see his uncle before he dies.
Notice that your preacher argued that an adulterer must be allowed to marry again from a person's lust and not from the Scriptures. "See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ" (Colossians 2:8).
"But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11).
If a man is divorced, the general rule is that he must remain unmarried or be reconciled to his wife. If a man is divorced because of his adultery, Jesus had something to say about this: "But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32). Your preacher contradicts Jesus by claiming that it isn't adultery because he was divorced.
