Can I remarry even though I also committed adultery?
Question:
I have been separated from my husband for five years now. During that time I kept asking him for us to work our marriage out. But he has been very reluctant. Since our separation, he was seeing another woman and had a child with her that he has been hiding from me for a while. We have a child together and he refuses to answer my phone calls and refuses to be involved in my son's life.
Since he never wanted to work out our marriage, I decided to date other guys. Now we both are still married. I want to divorce him and move on with my life. Can I remarry someone in the future even though I also ended up committing adultery because my husband still wants to be with the other woman? I only started to date when I realized my husband was never coming back to me.
Now I have reconciled with the Lord and gave my life over to Him. I want to do things right, in the sight of God. Will he allow me to remarry?
Answer:
Oh, the tangled webs people weave in their sins! Perhaps someone wiser than I will be kind enough to point out where I'm wrong, but it appears to me that you could remarry.
In biblical times, the concept of separation did not really exist. And it appears that your husband left you for another woman. Why it took you five years to realize he wasn't coming back, I don't know. Your husband violated the marriage covenant and is unrepentant. Though you violated the marriage covenant, you claim to have repented of your sin and it appears you were willing to reconcile to your husband. In other words, it is his sin that is holding the two of you apart and not your own.
Still, I'm concerned about how you excused your own sinful behavior. You decided to date other men, even though you never bothered to get a divorce; that alone makes no sense. Then, you had sex outside of a marriage covenant, which God strictly condemns (Hebrews 13:4; I Corinthians 6:9-10). But you place the blame on your husband and not your own desires. How is it that it is your husband's fault that you had sex with someone to whom you were not married? "The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not bear the guilt of the father, nor the father bear the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself" (Ezekiel 18:20). You can't blame anyone else for your own choices and sins.
You claim that you have reconciled yourself to God, yet it doesn't appear that you have. "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us" (I John 1:8-10). You haven't truly owned up to your sins and your responsibility for those sins. And have you actually become a child of God on His terms, and not your own? (See the table "Things that Accompany Salvation.") I'm happy that you want to do what is right, but I'm concerned that you might think that going part way to God is all right.
