Can I be redeemed after my sin?
Question:
Hi,
I’m not sure how to greet you.
I’m full of guilt and sadness. I came across this website when I was trying to find out if I could be redeemed.
I had sex with my boyfriend. I always wanted to start only after marriage but this came so unexpectedly and led to sin. I’ve been a Christian from my childhood and I know it is a sin. I invited my boyfriend to my home to just talk, but he didn’t stop when I asked him to. I’m the reason for his sin too by calling him when no others were there in my home.
I prayed daily and read my Bible even when this happened, but I fell and caused another person to also fall.
I feel so bad. First to God and second for having betrayed my family. I’m not at peace. I want to save my soul. I beg God for forgiveness. But after this, even though I don't want to sin, I’m experiencing lust and fighting against it. I want to overcome this.
I want to know if, in the future, I can marry this person. Or should I stop my connection with him? We are the same age. He is a Christian too. He is not settled in life. We both agreed not to commit sin again. If I stop my relationship with him, can I marry another person?
Please pray for me and I wanted to share this with you and get godly advice and guidance.
Thank you.
Answer:
I'm sorry that you were caught up in sin. I would like to go through a few points, not to make you feel bad, but to help you better understand your position and where you need to go from here.
As you noted, you made the mistake of meeting your boyfriend in your home when no one else was around. This created an environment where you were relaxed but there were no restraints on your actions. However, you said that you are the reason that he sinned. That is not true. You gave him an opportunity to sin, but he has sole responsibility for his actions, just as you have sole responsibility for your actions. "The righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself" (Ezekiel 18:20). You mentioned that you asked him to stop and he did not. That was his choice.
Solomon warned, "Can a man walk on hot coals And his feet not be scorched?" (Proverbs 6:28). The illustration is of a person who accidentally steps on a coal that rolled out from the fire. It doesn't matter that he did not intend to step on the coal. It wouldn't matter if he apologized profusely to the coal. He will still get burned because a person's intentions don't change the nature of the coal.
If you put a boy and a girl, new to sexual feelings and with strong impulses, alone in a house, everyone would easily predict what would likely happen. It doesn't matter what they intended, the fact is that sexual instincts are extremely strong. Stir them up and people stop thinking clearly.
In regards to forgiveness. Every Christian gains forgiveness for his past sins when he is baptized (Acts 2:38; 22:16). Sins that are committed after becoming a Christian can also be forgiven when a person repents of the sin and asks God for forgiveness (I John 1:8-2:1).
Temptation is a fact of life (James 2:14-16). We try hard not to give into temptation but we can't stop Satan from his attempts to bring us down. Now that you've shown a weakness in this area, of course, the enemy is going to target it. You have to resolve not to let there be opportunities to sin. "But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts" (Romans 13:14). Lust is when you make excuses to yourself that it would be alright to sin again. We must never accept sin, even though we are tempted by it.
You have to make up your own mind about whether you want to marry the young man or not. Consider that he made mistakes -- he came over to your house when no one was around, he stirred up sexual passion in you and in himself, and he didn't stop when asked. I hope he changes, but at the moment, he doesn't sound like husband material.
Just because he had sex with you, you are not obligated to marry him. You are not bound to him in any way. You get to make your own choices, which is why you are responsible for the consequences of your choices.
