Can I be filled with the Spirit when I have a sinful past?
Hi, good morning,
I was looking for a particular topic online when I came across your page where you were giving advice about fornication, etc. However, I'm 21 years old, baptized at 11 years old, changed churches, and I'm now at my present church for several years now; anyways, I've been engaging in sexual activities. I have a son, broke up with my child's father, and was having sex with my friends whenever I felt tempted. I've drifted far from God. Sometimes I feel as though He's no longer by my side. Now I'm really trying to get back even closer to Him. Do you think He has given up on me? Because in His word said that He will not leave us nor forsake us, but He will be with us until the end. I really want to know.
Also, I want to be filled with the Holy Ghost. I want to speak in tongues. I feel like there is something holding me from speaking in tongues because when I start to pray when I reach the part where I feel as though I'm war-faring, I stop. Can you help me?
If I change my life, will God allow me in His kingdom, even though I fornicated, committed adultery, plus have a son outside of marriage? Please help me and pray for me too.
I want to address your misunderstanding of the Lord first. The quote, "he will not leave us nor forsake us but he will be with us until the end" is found in the Old Testament. It is a promise that was given to Jacob (Genesis 28:15), Israel (Deuteronomy 31:6, 8), Joshua (Joshua 1:5), and Solomon (I Chronicles 28:20). In each of these passages, if the nation or person stays faithful to God, then God will not forsake them. In the New Testament, the same theme is declared: "Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I will never desert you, Nor will I ever forsake you," so that we confidently say, "The lord is my helper. I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?" Remember those who led you, who spoke the word of God to you; and considering the result of their conduct, imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever" (Hebrews 13:4-8).
God has not left you, but you have left God. "Now the Spirit of God came on Azariah the son of Oded, and he went out to meet Asa and said to him, "Listen to me, Asa, and all Judah and Benjamin: the LORD is with you when you are with Him. And if you seek Him, He will let you find Him; but if you forsake Him, He will forsake you. For many days Israel was without the true God and without a teaching priest and without law. But in their distress they turned to the LORD God of Israel, and they sought Him, and He let them find Him" " (II Chronicles 15:1-4).
God's people had left Him, but they did turn around (repented) and searched Him out. God is looking to be found. You must be willing to stop your sinful ways, seek Him and be willing to do what He says in His book and not what you feel is right. It is by God's terms and not ours. The next time you want to give into sin, you must put your sin into perspective and make a choice: Do you love God more than sin? Then run away from your sin and not be given over to your lusts. Or do you want to give yourself out to men and be a bad example to the world and, worst of all, to your child?
No one who willfully sins and keeps in their sinful ways will enter the kingdom of God "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:9-11) Everyone in the Lord's church has a past of sin in which they used to participate. If you stay with the world and keep your sinful lifestyle, then, yes, you will die in your sins and be lost. But if you do what is right, you can leave your sin behind as the people in Corinth did, wash (be made clean from your sin), and be right before God again.
Is it too late? You are still breathing, so there is still hope "For whoever is joined with all the living, there is hope; surely a live dog is better than a dead lion" (Ecclesiastes 9:4). You need to keep seeking God and He will be found, "And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him" (Hebrews 11:6). If you truly have repented, all you need to do is ask forgiveness from God and follow Him "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (I John 1:9) God will be faithful and forgive you of all your sins!
Regarding speaking in tongues, see Must you speak in tongues to have the Holy Spirit?
Find a faithful church, which will keep you accountable and on track with God. Let us know what area you live in and we will recommend a church near you. Find an older woman who can teach you and mentor you in the ways of the Lord (Titus 2:3-5). This will not only benefit you but also your child can grow up in a loving home that is not given over to sin.