I am a 17 years old male and I am just becoming sexually active. I'm noticing a lot of things. For one, I have constant urges to pee all of the time. The number becomes unbearable sometimes. I have constant bladder pains, and my sexual time only lasts for a minute or two. After I cum I have to pee at least a couple of times and my bladder continues to hurt. Also, my thighs feel constantly strained and they will never loosen up. Does this contribute to my two-minute performance? Do you have any suggestions on what could be wrong with me?
"Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; he who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, and his reproach will not be wiped away" (Proverbs 6:32-33).
There are dozens of questions that need to be asked to narrow down what is happening to you, but I am going to assume that these symptoms began sometime after you began having sex with multiple partners. Most likely you picked up one or more infections from your partners. From your description, the most likely infected organ is your bladder, but the infection could also be in your prostate or your kidneys. You need to see a doctor as quickly as you can as infections of this sort can cause permanent damage. He will be asking you question such as whether the amount of urine you pee each time is less than before and whether you have noticed a change your urine's color or smell. He will probably have to do several tests to narrow down what type of infection you have so he can prescribe the correct drug to battle it.
However, I'm also concerned about the damage you are doing to your soul. God sets out laws that help us understand why certain actions are right or wrong. The laws are not arbitrary, nor are they designed to make people feel bad. God created human beings and He knows what works and doesn't work in life. His laws are designed to make life better when you look at things with a long term perspective. Moses told the Israelites, "The LORD commanded us to observe all these statutes, to fear the LORD our God, for our good always, that He might preserve us alive, as it is this day. Then it will be righteousness for us, if we are careful to observe all these commandments before the LORD our God, as He has commanded us" (Deuteronomy 6:24-25).
God has said that sex outside of marriage is a sin. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). In case you don't know all these words:
- "Fornicator" is a person who has sex outside of marriage.
- "Adulterer" is a person who has sex with someone who is married, but to whom he is not married.
- "Homosexual" is a person who has sex with someone of the same gender. In Greek, it refers to someone who passively allows themselves to be used for sexual relations.
- "Sodomite" is a person who has sex with someone of the same gender, but here the Greek refers to the aggressor. Sexual predators would be included in this term.
There are many good reasons why God said men should not have casual sex. If my guess is correct that you picked up an infection from your sexual partners, then you discovered one of them. Diseases are easily passed during sex. Take a look at your hands and your arms and notice the thickness of your skin. You might be able to faintly see your blood vessels under the surface, but just barely. Now compare that to the skin on your penis. There the blood vessels are easily seen and are pronounced when you have an erection. Your erections also stretch the skin making it even thinner. As a result, diseases easy pass through the skin and have ready access to your bloodstream.
Solomon commented about this: "Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love. For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, and be embraced in the arms of a seductress? For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and He ponders all his paths. His own iniquities entrap the wicked man, and he is caught in the cords of his sin. He shall die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray" (Proverbs 5:15-23). Solomon compares the powerful urge to drink liquids to the urge to have sex. If you wanted a drink of water, where would be the best place to get one? Water out of your own kitchen is probably the safest. It is the water you have been drinking for a long while. You have confidence that it is safe. But would you ever get a glass of water from the sewers? Everyone would say, "Eoww!" The very thought is nasty. The water has been all sorts of places and who knows what awful things are in it. Even if you were desperately thirsty, you would probably refuse to drink from such a place.
If you understand that simple concept, then why would you put your penis (your fountain in Solomon's description) into a woman who has had sex with who knows how many other men? Imagine how many diseases she has picked up and is carrying around with her. Why would you want to put your penis into that sewage?
Better is to stick with your own wife, a person whom you can trust to be faithful to you and you to her. Sex is meant to be fun, but that fun should be with someone you are faithfully bound to in a marriage. The diseases you can get from casual sex can damage your health, prevent you from having kids, and in severe cases, it can even ruin your ability to have sex. Why risk that for a few minutes of pleasure?
This reply is getting long, and I haven't even started to talk about what casual sex does to a man's attitude toward women. Men who are willing to have sex at the drop of their pants see women as simply a place to put their penis and release their sexual urge. Women become nothing more than a thing to be used for a while and when you are bored you move on to the next woman. Such casual making and breaking of relationships damage your ability to make and hold one to a relationship. If you continue down this path, when you finally do get married, you will have a hard time staying married because the habit you develop is that when the way gets rough to simply walk away. You won't be willing or even know how to put the effort in to make a marriage work and struggle to overcome difficulties.
That same damaged ability to struggle through relationships will spread to other areas of your life, such as holding on to a job and even holding on to the Lord. "Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God both raised up the Lord and will also raise us up by His power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For "the two," He says, "shall become one flesh." But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's" (I Corinthians 6:13-20).
You bond with each person with whom you have sex. If I asked you about the very first person you had sex with and asked you what it was like when the two of you broke up, you probably would tell me that it was devastating. If I asked you about how it felt with the second person, it probably was bad, but not quite as bad as the first. If I then ask you about your current partners, you probably hardly think about it. What happened? Your soul has become so callused to being ripped apart that you no longer feel the pain. How utterly and completely sad of a situation!
There is so much more we could and should discuss. I do hope you will write again. In the meanwhile, would you take the time to read "Why Sex Outside of Marriage is Wrong" and "Waiting for the Proper Time"? Both articles will do you well to consider. Let me know what the doctor found.