Am I obligated to marry my fiance?
Question:
I somehow made a complete mess of my life and I am hoping to get some perspective on my situation.
I am 21 years old. I have been with a man for 4 years. I love him a lot, but I am no longer 'in love' with him. We are engaged to be married.
Here's a little background info on him and me. He does not believe in God. I was raised in the church but have drifted away. I still read my Bible, pray to God and try my best to please Him. My fiancé and I have had pre-marital sex.
At 17, I became pregnant. I freaked out, and I aborted. My abortion had a very negative effect on my life. I fell into a deep depression. I prayed every day asking for forgiveness. I now believe that God has healed me, although some days are still hard. I know God has forgiven me.
Now, I have this connection with my fiancé because we both lost our baby together (even though it was our choice). My fiancé is my best friend. He hasn't always treated me right. We fight, and he has put his hands on me in a negative way. And I always went back, even though, each time he pushed me, I promised myself I wouldn't go back.
Now, I met this guy, who is much older than me, but we had an immediate connection. We have been seeing each other for several months now. He makes me feel so special, he loves God, he is everything I could ever want in a man, and I could see myself spending the rest of my life as his wife.
The question, I guess is, do I have any obligation to stay with my fiancé since we have not married yet? If I don't have that obligation, should I stay and work things out with him or leave? Things are not as horrible with him as they may sound. He takes me out, treats me well (for the most part), and I love him. I am just not 'in love.'
What would God have to say about all this? I really need some help. I'm sorry, my thoughts are a mess right now.
Answer:
The reason people date and have an engagement period is so that they can be sure about who they are choosing for a mate before they make the final commitment. Your fiance has encouraged you to sin and he doesn't treat you respectfully all the time. This won't get better after you are married, more likely it will get worse because he will no longer has the drive to impress you. You also have trouble settling your disagreements.
If you believe you have found someone you would rather marry, this would be the time to make that decision. It will be hard to turn down your fiancé after so many years, but if it isn't working out, then continuing would not make sense.
Meanwhile, I hope you will put more emphasis is getting back to following and worshiping God.
