Am I cursed by God?
Question:
I need some prayer and guidance. I was in a marriage for over a decade and recently got a divorce because of my ex-husband's constant infidelity a few years ago. I am in a new relationship and it's been about a year. We both love each other, and he expresses wanting to get married whenever I am ready. But because of some of my marriage issues from the past, I sometimes doubt my boyfriend, who does nothing to make me doubt him. He is truly a blessing and a wonderful man. Unfortunately, we have been fornicating, and everything I have been trying to accomplish or achieve does not work out in my life. I talked to him about working on our relationship, and how we need to stop fornicating so we can have God's blessing, and he agreed.
My problem is my faith. I had so many disappointments in my career and life that I'm scared. I have issues with trying to give God all the control. I see my ex, who was fired from two positions, constantly fornicating with staff and then God blesses him with another job. I talked to my pastor's wife because I really need some support to help me get through this temporary trial. I guess what I'm asking is can I know prayer works? Can you please pray that God heals my hurt and my heart? I really feel like I have been cursed. I want to give my all to this wonderful blessing, but I can't seem to move forward in my life. God always provides but I can't get a job that can actually pay my bills totally or with health benefits because I been without a job for several years now. I just need some prayer, peace of mind, and to know God's will, so please pray for myself and my boys. I'm really feeling hopeless. My boys are truly the only thing that gives me hope to go on.
Answer:
Now, where do you come up with the idea that it is God who is blessing a man who breaks God's will. I'm going to give you a small assignment. I want you to read Psalms 73 carefully and then tell me whether God blesses the wicked.
But the problem is that you have been doing the same. You want blessings from God, but you haven't been living righteously. Now that you suspect that you've been your own worse enemy, you are trying to make a deal with God. You say you'll believe God fully if He'll answer your request for a job. It doesn't work that way. "Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God" (James 4:1-4).
Being a Christian isn't about gaining personal benefits. A person chooses to believe God because he sees that it is the truth. He believes it so strongly that it shapes his life regardless of the trials that come his way. Being a Christian isn't about having an easy life. "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" (James 1:2-4). It is about having a happy life regardless of what life throws your way. "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith--the salvation of your souls" (I Peter 1:6-9).
You're not going to buy blessings from God by dangling a promise of faith in front of Him, and God isn't going to buy your faith by promising you luxuries. I'm glad you realized that bedding your boyfriend was not the right thing to do. It was wrong regardless of whether you had a job or not. If for no other reason, think of the lesson you have been teaching your sons! Are you wanting them to use girls for their own pleasure when they get older without any commitment on their part? Yet, that is what you have been showing them is perfectly acceptable.
Since you divorced your ex-husband because of his adultery, you have the right to marry again. You claim you love this man and that he is a good man. If such is the case, get married and start living a righteous life. Give God your heart because you know His way is the truth (John 17:17). It is yet another commitment you must make. You can't go through the rest of your life afraid of committing just because your ex-husband betrayed you and did you wrong.
When you start living life God's way, you are going to be better able to handle the problems of life. With two of you in the household, there will be sufficient income to live. By living by God's teachings, you'll know better how to handle the money you earn, you'll be better able to make yourself a good employee, and you'll find peace in your life because you know you are living the best way.
