Question:

Hello there,

I’m in a serious relationship. It took me a while to come to terms with it because we were friends initially. My boyfriend is an awesome guy, he loves and serves God and is caring to people around. He’s passionate about work, his students, family, church, etc.. I could go on. He’s a really godly man.

Recently, he revealed that he may one day go into serving full-time. While I was happy, I was also concerned. I’m afraid that I do not match up to his standards, that I may not be able to give up as much to serve full-time. He loves serving, and because I know he loves to serve and help, I try to support him by not demanding too much of his time. But at times, I feel he’s everywhere, so busy serving to a point where he’s just trying to please everyone. I brought this up in a conversation before. He acknowledges it, but nothing seemed to change. We hardly have time for ourselves; while he is busy serving. I’m busy serving too. The problem is: we’re serving in different churches.

I’m confused. While I’m in love with his character, I don’t know if I really love him. Our characters and interests are totally different. Perhaps the only thing we have in common is really is just God. We both love the Lord and are passionate about God’s mission. Is that enough to marry a person?  He asked and hinted many times to marry him, but I’m still waiting for a confirmation from the Lord.

Answer:

It concerns me that you say that you both love God but you attend different churches. I'm assuming by that you mean that while you live in the same area, you are members of different faiths. So there is a common claim of loving God, but neither of you sees the Bible the same way. What do you think will happen after you get married? Are your changing beliefs?

You both are active in your respective communities, but you see him as being too active and would likely ignore his family in his drive to serve God as he sees fit. Your activities don't bring you together but pull you two apart.

It seems to me that you need to be honest with him. While you love him as a person, you don't think the two of you are going in the same direction or have the same goals in regards to marriage and raising a family.

Like many things in life, God tells you through the Scriptures how to pick a good mate, but the choice is left up to you. You can ignore the current problems and settle for a life where you rarely see your husband and feel like you are raising the children on your own or you can look for another man who will work with you in various endeavors. But God isn't going to pick your spouse for you. That is your responsibility.

Response:

Hi Jeffrey,

Thanks for responding to my email. It definitely got me thinking.

Just to clarify, we're not of different faiths. The denomination is the same, just a different medium (one in English, and the other bi-lingual). He grew up in (X) church, his whole family is attending (X) church. I, on the other hand, don't feel connected to (X) church. I used to attend (X) church, but I find it "dead". I moved to another city, and ever since returning, I've been attending a different church. While I'm actively serving in church, he's actively serving outside of his own church (that includes other churches and Christian communities).

Your comment on "what do you think will happen after your marriage" is a valid question. That's what's holding me back. Hence, the talk (mentioned in the earlier email), which led to nowhere.

Thank you once again, I will have a lot to consider after this.

God bless you and your ministry richly. I've been blessed by all your studies, sermons, and Q&A.

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