Did we cross the line?
Question:
Hello Minister,
I have a question that I’m hoping you can help me understand through Scripture.
I was born outside of marriage, but both of my parents later became Christians, repented, and eventually married. Because of that, I grew up being taught very seriously about sexual immorality, temptation, and how sin affects our relationship with God (Isaiah 59:2). I’ve always tried to take those teachings seriously in my own relationships.
Today, I was with the young man who is courting me. We don’t use boyfriend/girlfriend labels or exclusively date because we’re genuinely trying to approach this in a way that honors God. We met at a church event, live about eight hours apart, and after knowing each other for about a year, we finally had the opportunity to spend time together.
What was supposed to be an innocent Bible study in a quiet room for us to grow spiritually together turned into a pretty heated make-out session. We stopped and didn’t go any further sexually, but afterward I felt a lot of guilt. I feel like we dropped the ball, especially considering how much we both know about temptation and fleeing sexual immorality (I Corinthians 6:18).
It was also my first kiss, and I had wanted to wait until engagement, so I know part of my guilt comes from crossing a boundary I set for myself. Everything was completely consensual. I’m still a virgin, and while he isn’t, that is part of his past that he has repented of, and I don’t hold that against him.
I’m not asking simply to be reassured or made to feel better. I genuinely want to understand what Scripture teaches so I can respond appropriately before God. Is kissing or making out itself sinful and something we need to repent of, or does the sin depend on the lust, intentions, and desires involved? How do we distinguish between appropriate affection and behavior that crosses into lust or sexual immorality?
If we crossed a biblical line, I want to recognize it, repent, and make the necessary changes instead of justifying it. Any scriptural advice about boundaries going forward would also be greatly appreciated.
Answer:
Many people realize that sex outside of marriage is wrong, but they neglect the sins that lead up to sex. The two of you got involved in lust and lewdness. You let your feelings dictate your behavior. A chaste kiss would not have been wrong, but you went far beyond that. See "The Root Cause of Sexual Sins."
Regarding how far is too far, see "How far can you go with your girlfriend in regard to intimacy?"
What you must do is recognize that you both have strong sexual desires. Such desires are natural and normal. However, you also cannot trust yourselves. Spend time together, but only when others nearby can see what you are doing.
