Is it right to withdraw from a young woman who said she was raped?
Question:
Dear minister,
A young sister, according to her, was raped, and this led to pregnancy. Her father noticed something unusual about his daughter and subsequently drew the attention of her mother, which led them to find out that she was pregnant, and they had her pregnancy aborted.
This matter was reported to the church, and a warning letter was issued to her. However, a brother is insisting that the offense calls for outright disfellowship of the sister and the parents.
Sir, what is your advice on this issue?
Answer:
So quick to condemn and so unwilling to save.
First, are they being condemned for killing an innocent child? If so, were they taught that life is sacred and that abortion is wrong? Was any opportunity given for them to repent of their sin?
Second, is the young woman being condemned for being raped? If so, do they withdraw from people who are robbed? The victim of a crime is not held guilty of the crime. "But if in the field the man finds the girl who is engaged, and the man forces her and lies with her, then only the man who lies with her shall die. But you shall do nothing to the girl; there is no sin in the girl worthy of death, for just as a man rises against his neighbor and murders him, so is this case. When he found her in the field, the engaged girl cried out, but there was no one to save her" (Deuteronomy 22:25-27).
There is a process to follow when dealing with sin. "If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother" (Matthew 18:15). The first step is to talk to the person directly and privately in hopes of persuading the person out of his sin. If the person repents, there is no reason to do anything more. The number of people who know about the sin should be kept to the minimum necessary to resolve the sin.
Only if the first step fails should an effort be made to establish what happened. "But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed" (Matthew 18:16). Did people talk to the man involved? Were there any witnesses to what happened? If all you have is the young woman's word on the matter that she was raped, then you must accept her statement. If in the process of confirming the facts in the matter, the person repents of his sin, then there is no reason to do anything more. The goal of getting the person out of sin was achieved. Once again, the number of people who know about the sin is kept to the minimum necessary to bring about a change.
Only if the second step fails is the matter brought up before the church. By this time, there have been several attempts to talk the person out of his sin. "If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector" (Matthew 18:17). At this point, the church weighs the evidence gathered and makes a decision about what has happened. If it is determined that sin is taking place and that the person refuses to change, it is then that the church withdraws from the sinner.
Even then, the goal remains to have the person repent of his sins. If he does, he is welcomed back. "Sufficient for such a one is this punishment which was inflicted by the majority, so that on the contrary you should rather forgive and comfort him, otherwise such a one might be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. Wherefore I urge you to reaffirm your love for him" (II Corinthians 2:6-8).
Don't lose sight of why the church exists. It is there to help its members reach heaven.
