Is marriage the business of the church or the family?
Question:
Hello Minister,
I hope you are doing well. I have a few issues I would like some clarification on.
- Is marriage primarily the business of the church or the family? In many African contexts, the acceptance of a bride price by the woman’s family during a formal occasion is a prerequisite for marriage. After this, couples may choose to have a civil wedding or not. However, in many churches, there is significant involvement, including compulsory counselling sessions, coordination with families regarding wedding dates, and sometimes the requirement that the couple be announced during church services and brought forward for prayers after the ceremony. What is your perspective on this?
- With respect to dressing both in church and outside the church, what is considered acceptable? I have noticed that discussions often focus mainly on how people dress when going to church. Additionally, what hairstyles are acceptable in church or for a Christian generally? For men, are braids, dreadlocks, short hair, or clean-cut hair acceptable? For women, what about wearing wigs—especially when some have short hair and use wigs to represent long hair, and sometimes even blonde hair?
In I Corinthians 11:14–15, Scripture says, “Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him, but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory?” Should this be understood as a cultural consideration of that time, or as a universal standard for Christians everywhere? Could the passage have a deeper meaning beyond a literal discussion about hair?
- I believe that the Christian life is an everyday commitment, not something limited to church services, and that our lives should serve as examples to others. What is your perspective on this?
- Do you have any resources on Christianity and culture? Does culture have any influence on Christianity?
Thanks.
Answer:
"So we have the prophetic word made more sure, to which you do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star arises in your hearts. But know this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture is a matter of one's own interpretation, for no prophecy was ever made by an act of human will, but men moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God" (II Peter 1:19-21).
Your questions, intentional or not, show an attitude that it is men who define religion and the traditions that accompany it. However, the Bible is the product of the Creator of our universe. It was given to us to guide us in righteous living. "Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord; seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust" (II Peter 1:2-4). What God has given to us is not limited to the worship services of the church. He taught us everything pertaining to life.
Christians influence culture, but culture should not define how Christians live and worship. See:
Marriage existed long before the church, so the church does not define it. It started when Eve was created and brought to Adam. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 1:24). Thus, family doesn't define marriage either. Jesus said that God is the one who joins a man and a woman. "And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made the male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate" (Matthew 19:4-6).
Your culture has a tradition of giving a dowry (a bride price). There is nothing particularly wrong with this tradition; however, understand that it is just a tradition and not a law of God. The church you attend asks couples to attend counseling to improve the success of the marriage. Again, there is nothing wrong with these things, but they are not a command of God. These are merely local traditions.
What is required is a covenant be formed between the man and the woman (Malaichi 2:14). See Marriage Covenants for more details on how a covenant is established.
Regarding dress, there is no difference in the rules between attending church services, going to work, or any other situation. What is required is modesty. See Modest Apparel.
"Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a dishonor to him? But if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her; for her hair is given to her for a covering" (I Corinthians 11:14-15).
"Long" is a relative term. God is not dictating a specific length of hair. Instead, He insists that men's hairstyles must be shorter than women's. Since the beginning of time, God expected a distinction to be made between the sexes. For example, in the law of Moses, God said, "A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this" (Deuteronomy 22:5). Other than articles of clothing, the relative length of hair is the most distinctive difference between men and women. If the hair on a woman leaves you wondering whether she might really be a he, then it's too short.
Some women have difficulty growing long hair, such as those undergoing cancer treatment. Wigs are a good solution to the problem. Some don't want to put in the effort to maintain long hair and choose to wear wigs instead. So long as her hair is long, I would not object.
Satan, the old enemy of God, has filled people's minds with the idea that everyone should look and act the same. Somehow, he has convinced people that men and women looking different is wrong. Why can't people, and especially Christians, be content to follow the teaching of the Bible, custom, and common sense, and let men be men and look like men and women be women and look like women?
