Why Everything Is Personal Now—and Why Disagreement Is Treated Like Sin

by Brad Harrub, Ph.D.

We are living in an age when disagreement is no longer viewed as a difference of thought—it is treated as a moral failure. If you don’t hold my position, you are not just wrong…you are evil, unloving, or sinful. Every discussion is personal. Every debate is emotional. And every challenge feels like an attack on someone’s very identity.

Don’t believe me? Just write an article on modesty, youth ministers, public schools vs. homeschool, homemaking, or parenting, and post it on Facebook. People will absolutely lose their minds in the comments (and some will lose their Christianity). Because after all, if you don’t believe the way they believe—or do things the way they did things—then you are not just wrong, you are on the other team. You are now the evil opponent.

This wasn’t always the case.

There was a time when people could disagree, argue passionately, and still walk away respecting one another. Ideas were debated. Evidence was weighed. Scripture was opened. But today, disagreement is often met with outrage because many people have tied their identity to their opinions. To challenge the belief is to challenge the person. Forget unity, I have to be right!

And that’s dangerous.

When Feelings Replace Truth:

Scripture warns us about this exact mindset. Proverbs 18:2 says, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” Notice the emphasis—truth-seeking is replaced by self-expression. Understanding takes a back seat to validation. Sound familiar?

Modern culture has trained us to elevate feelings above facts. If something feels right, it must be right. If something feels offensive, it must be sinful. How dare you question the way my momma (or my favorite Big-name preacher) does it! But feelings were never designed to be our moral compass.
Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?” When we allow emotions to define truth, we shouldn’t be surprised when disagreement feels like persecution.

The Rise of the Self:

Sociologists and psychologists have noted a dramatic rise in narcissistic traits over the last few decades—especially among younger generations. I have preached on this increase in many places. While the exact numbers vary by study, the trend is consistent: people are increasingly self-focused, image-conscious, and intolerant of criticism.

That shouldn’t surprise Christians.

Paul warned Timothy that difficult times would come because “men will be lovers of themselves” (II Timothy 3:2). When self-love becomes supreme, disagreement becomes intolerable. After all, how dare someone challenge me?

This explains why so many conversations feel less like discussions and more like emotional landmines. We are no longer debating ideas—we are defending egos.

“Oh, you didn’t handle Santa with your kids the way I did? Well, let me tell you, you’re wrong, buddy…” And just like that, the person you are talking to becomes “sus” because they hold a different opinion. Church, it really shouldn’t be this way!

When Opinions Become Doctrine:

One of the most sobering developments in modern Christianity is how quickly lines of fellowship are drawn—not over the gospel, but over opinions.
Entire congregations fracture and split over secondary matters. Christians label one another “liberal,” “false teacher,” or “legalist” with remarkable speed. Fellowship is extended or withdrawn based not on obedience to Christ, but on alignment with my conclusions. If you don’t do it the way I do it or believe the way I believe—even on these opinion issues—then you are in sin.

If you don’t affirm my political view, my parenting choice, my career ideology, my theological nuance, or my cultural preference, then you are “on the wrong side of everything—including God.” Sadly, many miss the amount of pride wrapped up in this position.

Scripture is clear that pride does not always announce itself loudly. Often, it hides behind strong convictions and religious language. The problem is not having opinions. The problem is thinking so highly of our opinions that we confuse them with divine revelation.

James warned against this spirit when he wrote, “For where there is envy, strife, and self-seeking, confusion and every evil thing are there” (James 3:16).

We often justify our divisions as “standing for truth,” when in reality, we may be standing for ourselves or our own egos.

A Better Way Forward:

If the church is going to be salt and light in a hypersensitive, self-obsessed culture, we must relearn how to disagree biblically. That means humility. That means listening. That means rooting our convictions in Scripture rather than emotion.

Philippians 2:3 gives us the antidote: “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”

You can still love someone who made choices different from yours! It’s okay! After all, there is the possibility they may be right, and you could learn something from them.

Imagine how different our conversations would be if truth mattered more than winning, and humility mattered more than being affirmed.

Not every disagreement is an attack. Not every opposing view is a sin. And not every challenge to our ideas is a challenge to our worth.

Sometimes, it’s simply an invitation to think—and to grow.

And in a world obsessed with self, that might be the most radical act of all.