You Can Be Hurt in the Church—and Still Raise Faithful Children
by Brad Harrub, Ph.D.
There are few pains more confusing than being wounded by people who wear the name of Christ.
Many parents have sat in pews with a knot in their stomach—betrayed by leadership, ignored in suffering, judged unfairly, or damaged by hypocrisy. Some have endured church splits, public shaming, mishandled discipline, gossip, or spiritual neglect. The pain is real. The confusion is real. And pretending it doesn’t exist only deepens the wound.
I know—because my family has lived it. We know firsthand how it feels to have people spread false rumors about you. We know what it feels like when elders refuse to follow Scripture or to lead properly. We know what it’s like to go through a traumatic situation. We know what it’s like to be treated unfairly by church members.
But here is the truth that must be spoken clearly—you can go through deep hurt in the church and still raise children who love the Lord, trust His Word, and remain faithful. We know because my wife and I raised four exceptionally faithful kids who watched us go through some very bad situations.
So the question is, how do you prepare them to brace themselves for a storm?
The Church Is Made of People—Christ Is Perfect
One of the most important lessons a parent can teach is the difference between Jesus and those who claim to follow Him.
Scripture never sugarcoats the reality that God’s people fail.
- David was betrayed by close companions (Psalms 41:9).
- Joseph was sold by his own brothers (Genesis 37).
- Paul was abandoned by fellow laborers (II Timothy 4:16).
- Jesus was betrayed by one of the twelve (Matthew 26:14–16).
Yet none of these walked away from God because people failed them.
Parents who help their children see this distinction—without excuses and without bitterness—lay a foundation for durable faith. Christ remains perfect even when His people are not.
What Matters Most Is How Your Children See You Handle It
The crucial issue is not whether your children know you were hurt. The crucial issue is how they watch you respond.
Children are always taking notes. Usually, mental notes.
They observe whether parents become cynical or prayerful. Whether they speak with restraint or with rage. Whether disappointment drives them away from God—or deeper into His Word. They watch if parents frame the situation as “our family versus the church.” Remember, the church belongs to Christ—it is always good, even if the body inside has problems.
David said, “I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord” (Psalms 27:13). Children need to see parents who refuse to lose heart—even when circumstances would justify it.
If church hurt leads to constant complaining, sarcasm about Christians, or open disdain for the church, children quietly learn that faith is fragile and conditional.
But when parents handle pain with humility, truth, and an unwavering love for God, children learn something powerful: God is worthy even when situations are hard.
Let Your Love for God Remain Evident
One of the greatest dangers after church hurt is letting that experience slowly erode visible devotion. It is very easy to skip some services or fellowship activities if those who hurt you will be present. Attend anyway!! God is worthy.
Parents who forget this may still “believe,” but prayer fades. Bible reading diminishes. Worship becomes optional. And children notice the shift long before parents do.
The command to parents found in Deuteronomy 6 is not conditional on whether things are going smoothly. The text says, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words… shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children.”
Children must see that pain does not steal affection for God.
That does not mean pretending everything is fine. It means letting children see that God is still trusted, still obeyed, still loved—even when circumstances disappoint.
Anchor Their Faith in Scripture, Not Personalities
After church conflict, there is a temptation to center the conversation on people—what someone said, what leadership did wrong, who failed. Or maybe a preacher you loved was let go, and you don’t understand why.
Here’s something to remember—faith cannot survive if it is built on personalities. Paul warned against this very danger: “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase… so then neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but God” (I Corinthians 3:6–7).
Parents must intentionally redirect their homes toward Scripture—daily reading, open discussions, honest questions, and careful application. Children must learn that God’s Word remains steady even when people wobble.
Model Forgiveness Without Excusing Sin
Finally, and this may be hard for some of you…you need to forgive and keep growing. Forgiveness is not denial. It is not a weakness. It is obedience. Paul wrote, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
When children see parents forgive—without minimizing wrongdoing—they learn that justice belongs to God (Romans 12:19), and bitterness does not have to rule the heart.
Because here’s the dirty little truth no one talks about. If your children watch you go through a church issue and not forgive, then they will likely do the same years later with even a weaker faith.
Faith Is Often Strengthened Through Difficulty
So I want to encourage parents—you can go through church issues and still raise faithful children. Oftentimes, faith that survives disappointment is stronger than one that has never tested.
When parents remain faithful despite hardship, children see faith that is real—not shallow, not dependent on comfort, but anchored in truth.
If you have been hurt in the church, your pain is real. But your children are watching.
Let them see a faith that endures.
A love for God that does not fade.
A response that honors Christ—even when others did not.
Your response today may be the very thing that anchors your children’s faith tomorrow.
