Why doesn’t God restore my marriage?
Question:
I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for putting the article, The Awful Aftermath of Adultery, on the Internet.
My wife committed adultery over 30 years ago with a man while she was in the military. She told me she did nothing wrong. She places all the blame on me and then started up with another man, lives with him, and then divorces me. I asked in love to try to get her to go to counseling with me. She refused. I asked her about our marriage vows and she said she no longer believed in her vows because she changed religions. She would never tell me why she did this, there was never any chance of her trying; she refused to do it. She divorced me and then married the second man a few weeks later.
I tried with all my heart to turn the other cheek. I tried to believe God would restore our marriage. I never once wanted to divorce; never. She divorced me. This horrible adultery eats at my soul every single day. It placed a hurt on my heart and on my life. I ask God every day why He will not do something to show her what horrible things she did to me; what torture she brings daily to my life. Why does God not answer my prayers for mercy on her? I ask not for judgment or condemnation but to save her; to show her what terrible things she has done. There was never any remorse, never any guilt. We were married but five years, and I thought we had a very good marriage.
I would sincerely appreciate it if you could at least pray for this man and my ex-wife. Thank you again for being there.
Answer:
I think it is a shame that you let another person's sin ruin your own life for so long. People sin from their own choice. God shows mercy on those who repent of their sins. Your former wife doesn't care, so asking God to go against His nature is foolish. "For He says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whomever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion." So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy" (Romans 9:15-16). Paul is saying that God makes the rules -- not man. It is God who establishes the requirements for mercy -- not man. Like Esau long ago, your wife doesn't seek God. "Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; lest there be any fornicator or profane person like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright. For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears" (Hebrews 12:15-17).
That was her choice, but you have chosen to let her sin have power over your life. You let bitterness take root in you. It is past time for you to let it go.
