Question:

Hello.

I came across information about separation due to drug use on your site. I am in a situation to which I am seeking Godly counsel.

Currently, I am a born again believer for almost three years now. God took my husband out of my life back in 2016, just long enough for me to find him. At the time, my husband had cheated on me and this resulted in illegitimate children. I separated from him and officially moved on with life. However, as the Spirit worked on my heart, I realized how longsuffering God had been with me in my wickedness so I forgave my spouse and trusted God to heal me and him. Three years later, I no longer have any resentment for his past mistakes but ever since I allowed him back in my life, he has abused weed and alcohol and indulged in porn. I have been vexed for three years and suffered so much as a result of his drug-induced rages. I am at a loss and am starting to feel like I am back in a cage, especially after the Lord set me free. I have solely trusted in the Lord for His deliverance and undergone much suffering for obedience sake. But now as I approach three years of this darkness, I'm starting to think I have been fooling myself and have yet again been deceived by Satan. This angers me as I have trusted God and put my hope fully in Him. Yet, I feel all this man has done is make me a shell of my former Spirit-filled self. Now I am grieved and vexed daily and have come to my witts end.

I ask if you have any spiritual advice that you share it with me. I feel like I'm on the verge of leaving. I have died to myself so seeking to remarry is totally out of the picture.

Answer:

I have no different advice for you than what I told the earlier woman in Any advice on how to handle a marriage to a drug addict?

What I'm trying to figure out is why you seem to be blaming God for this situation. I assume you accepted this man back into your life without evidence that he repented of his sins. Yes, God forgave you but that came after you changed your life and left sin behind. Jesus told his disciples, "Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him" (Luke 17:3). We don't forgive just to say the words. The aim is always the rescuing of the person in sin. Thus, I want to have my brother saved, so I warn him that he is in sin and try to convince him to leave sin. When he repents, I am there to forgive him. Too often people say they forgive another, but it is just empty words to avoid any effort in rescuing a brother.

Jesus taught that we should desire to forgive others. "For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions" (Matthew 6:14-15). Since forgiveness is based on repentance from sin, I am not going to hold a grudge against another but work toward their ultimate good.

Unfortunately, your husband did not change, except, perhaps, in regards to adultery.  He doesn't have any motivation to change. He doesn't accept that he is going to face Judgment over his sins, and his wife allows his continued drug use and pornography watching.

Thus, it is time to insist on changes in his life and if not, it is time to withdraw your support of him until he does change.

 

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