Why can’t I stop committing fornication with my girlfriend?
Question:
I wasn't a Christian but she was, even though she was not baptized. Later, I attended a campaign held by her church, and I was baptized with my girlfriend on the same day. We were in the same church for several years. Later we were attracted to each other again, and we had sex. Since then, we often have had sex when we get together. I don't know why I can't control myself with only her. I've met countless girls but nothing happened between us except with this one girl. She has also complained of the same thing. Recently, we decided to get married at the end of this year. I wish I could control myself and do nothing with her until we get married, but just yesterday she visited me and we did it again. I'm really disturbed. Can you help me?
Answer:
I have a different view of the events. Your girlfriend called herself a Christian, but words are meaningless if actions don't accompany them. No one is a Christian until they put on Christ at the time of baptism. "For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ" (Galatians 3:26-27).
Both of you have fallen into sexual sin, which places your souls in jeopardy. "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Too often people are convinced that being a Christian makes you immune to the effects of sin -- but it doesn't. Since there is no fear of consequences, you are willing to break the rules repeatedly, even as you tell yourself you really shouldn't. David put it this way:
"Transgression speaks to the ungodly within his heart; there is no fear of God before his eyes. For it flatters him in his own eyes concerning the discovery of his iniquity and the hatred of it. The words of his mouth are wickedness and deceit; he has ceased to be wise and to do good. He plans wickedness upon his bed; he sets himself on a path that is not good; he does not despise evil" (Psalms 36:1-4).
It isn't that you can't behave yourself. But if you are expecting God to force you to behave, it won't happen. God makes sure you are able to choose, but the choice still remains your own, as well as the consequences of those choices. "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it" (I Corinthians 10:13).
One aspect of this that is especially difficult when you are engaged to be married is refraining from sex because you tell yourself, "It doesn't matter. We'll be married in a few months anyway." But it does matter. It remains a sin against God. While you expect to be married until you say "I do," you aren't married. People can and do change their minds. Things can happen that prevent you from getting married. None of us control the future or know the future with certainty.
I can't tell you exactly why you are giving into this sin. What I listed above are common reasons. But I can tell you that if both of you are not fully committed to serving God, you'll end up tempting each other. Therefore, start with examining your attitude toward this sin and why it is that you are not afraid of the many possible consequences.
Question:
Thanks for your words. It is deep. I fear losing my soul and for her that she may be saved too. We are praying not to make that thing happen again through Christ. Sometimes I can escape, but it is just that I don't listen to what God tells me to do. It is even silencing the witnessing voice. But I am picking myself up and looking unto Jesus.
Answer:
Notice that even in your prayers you are asking Jesus to make you behave, instead of asking Christ for strength as you submit to his will. Jesus did not make the sex happen, you did. Jesus tells you not to have sex until you get married. The question then is whether you will obey Christ despite your desires or cave to your instincts.
Give yourself wholly over to his will and things will work out.
