Why am I so unlucky in love?
Question:
Hello,
I’m a young lady, aged 21. This issue has been bothering me for a while now and I just feel I need someone who can counsel me.
Several years ago, I started my first year at college. After a few weeks, I met a very cute guy and I immediately developed a crush on him. I wasn’t really serious with this, as I have never dated before and I thought my feelings would fade away like always. To my surprise, I was strongly attracted to the guy and began to like him deeply. This guy never had a girlfriend but had various female friends. He was a ladies' man. He would talk to me but never really showed serious interest. It was me who kept on making scenarios with him in my head.
After a year, I went for prayers because my school performance flopped due to some other reasons, and I needed the Lord’s intervention. Surprisingly, the lady who was praying for me mentioned this crush of mine and that he was the one for me. I was very surprised because I never spoke to her about him nor did I think the Lord would have a say in this silly crush thing I had. But to be honest, I was happy with this revelation, but I never knew how on earth this would be possible.
This guy, later on, started giving me attention. He gave hints that he liked me, but he wasn’t consistent. With that revelation in mind, I kept on being patient thinking he would come around someday. But he never did.
The following year I lost one of my parents. He was there for me emotionally and that’s where we developed our strong bond. He gave me a shoulder to cry on.
Last year, he said he had developed feelings for me. He didn’t really like being attached to people because he had a lot of baggage with him that he didn’t want to burden others with. I was very sad because I would literally cross borders for him if a need would arise. I was so heartbroken as to why I didn’t matter to him as much.
This year, I am trying to move on slowly. Then it turned out that we were renting in the same compound, though in different buildings. We both didn’t see it coming. I wondered how I would move on since I had to see him almost every day. The first few weeks he was the sweetest and I thought yes! My guy is finally here. Only for him to change with serious mood swings and so much unresolved anger within him. I had to pick up the pieces and realized that he never healed from the trauma of losing both parents at a young age. So much has happened to him that affects him deeply making him do drugs (weed), and he seems depressed. I was very disturbed. I even felt sorry for myself for falling in love with such a person, who is numb right now and has emotionally shut down. I tried talking to him about his substance abuse, and if at all he needed someone to talk to I would be here for him. He ignored me and never answered me.
I have decided to dedicate this month to intercede for him so that the Lord helps him. I would have loved to pray for him for much longer but I can only limit myself to a month. because I am afraid I may forever be attached to him, which is so unhealthy for me.
Right now I constantly feel sad as to why I had to be so unlucky in love. Why doesn't this guy love me? Why did I meet him in the first place? I wish I would go far away and never see him again. Do you think praying for him would help in any way?
Answer:
You hint at the right answer throughout your note, so I am wondering why you don't realize it.
You met a guy who is really good at charming women. But he told you the truth, he doesn't want to form attachments to anyone. So while he is fine with being a friend and I would not be surprised if he would welcome an opportunity to crawl into bed with you, that is as far as he will ever let a relationship go. Then on top of all this, you mention that he is emotionally unstable and a drug addict. I'm left wondering what happened to your common sense.
This relationship started because you were infatuated with this guy, but it never grew beyond this. Love requires two people working together. I suspect you see him as a great "fixer-upper." It stokes your ego as you imagine how you are going to improve him. But nothing is based on reality.
It is unfortunate that some self-styled prophetess guessed that you were infatuated with a guy. This isn't proof that God is talking through her. She is just good at reading clues that you unknowingly gave out. These are the same methods used by so-called psychics. And then seeing your reaction, she told you that your crush was "the one for you." Thus, you went further in your imagination thinking that God had destined you to marry this guy. God clearly stated that prophecy ended a long time ago (I Corinthians 13:8-10). The woman, like any skilled fraud, told you exactly what you wanted to hear and you accepted it.
My advice is that you drop the pretense. You've mentioned nothing about this guy which would indicate that he would make a good husband. You've been ignoring the better men around because you were so certain that you needed to pursue this one guy. You aren't unlucky in love. You picked a man for all the wrong reasons and refuse to admit that you were wrong.
Response:
Thank you so much for having the time to read through my email and also to respond. I’m grateful.
I will now have to get on the road to moving on, in as much as it has not been easy, but I guess it will be worth it in the end.
Thank you for your time!
