by Ken Leach
via Biblical Insights, Vol. 9, No. 11, November 2009
I am familiar with a situation wherein a young female college student became pregnant out of wedlock. This young Christian and her parents experienced a range of emotions unlike any others in their lifetime. It has now been more than twenty years since those circumstances and, in retrospect, there are some things to be learned. I have not used personal names for obvious reasons but can assure you the story is true.
The father of the yet-to-be-born child proved by his actions (and in-actions) to be irresponsible and not a viable candidate for participation in the decision-making process. He was a baptized person who knew little about being a Christian. Thus the discussions relative to so many things fell on the mom-to-be and her parents. The whole gamut of possible actions was discussed. Advice was sought and received from friends in whom the perspective mom and her parents had confidence. Unsolicited sources from the worldly abounded each with their own "fix-it" program.
After all the thoughts, prayers, and careful consideration a decision was made to make the child available for adoption. A brother-in-Christ who has experience in such things was contacted for guidance. The only stipulation from the mom was that the parents be faithful Christians. It wasn't too long before the prospective parents were found and all the arrangements (and there were many) were made. The baby was given to the new parents at the hospital amidst many tears, doubts, and hopes.
Life, as it often does, went on. The family who adopted the child raised their daughter as faithful Christian parents do. The birth-mom recovered, repented, and, with God's help, went on living a life that would include a husband and children. All concerned with the situation were, and are, faithful to the Lord.
These kinds of experiences leave questions in the minds of the major players. The adopted child wonders about her birth mother and wants information. There is a void. The birth mom wonders about her child and wants information. There is a void. The grandparents wonder about their grandchild and want information. There is a void. Sons and daughters of the birth mom want to know about their sister. There is a void. All this and more are consequences of things done before. Some are consequences felt by the direct participants, some by those who came along later.
Many times when major decisions are made like described above one does not have the opportunity to validate. The questions go with us to the grave. The letter below is important to those who wonder if the right decision was made. It is a letter from the adopted girl to the birth mom.
".. there are so many more emotions that are coursing through my heart than what I expected if I ever found you. I'm thrilled you wanted to find me, because I was afraid if I did find you, you wouldn't want anything to do with me, and I wasn't sure if I could deal with that. So, yeah, you and I both get the answers we've been looking for. (mom's name) I want to be upfront that I have a family and mom and dad that love me and I'm not looking for another family. However, I have a thousand questions and will be happy to answer yours. Beyond that we'll just have to take it as it comes, but I repeat I'm not looking for another mother. My mom is a wonderful woman, as I'm sure you are, and there is no replacement for her. With that said, "Hi!" I sit here with a smile on my face not sure where to begin ... I was told why you gave me up, and I am so thankful you did. I have been so blessed with the life I have here. Thank you for making sure my parents were Christians. My faith is what makes me who I am.
I guess I'll leave it at that for now. I'm just so curious. Again thank you so much, you have given me more than I could ask for. My life is so blessed ... I'm so blessed to be born to someone so selfless as to give me such a good family."
As I read the letter, I have to ask one question: What if... abortion had been the choice?