What do you suggest I do?
Question:
Hi,
I badly need someone to talk to and someone to give me advice as I am really in extreme emotional pain. I'm several months pregnant. My boyfriend is separated and has children from his ex-wife. I have accepted that for he is getting his divorce this year after his ongoing trial. We were in a long-distance relationship until recently. Just last month I discovered that my boyfriend has a baby with his ex-girlfriend that he never mentioned about while we were dating "because he was afraid of me breaking up with him." I'm suffering emotionally. Please help me. I would be so glad to hear from you soon, to know what your thought about my situation, and what you think is right for me to do.
I'm in my twenties. When I met my boyfriend, he showed me a lot of respect and took care of me while my life was miserable. At that time I was working in a bar. I admit I met people, but believe me it wasn't me that time. I was focused on living life and exploring, so I was not thinking well. Before meeting him he was aware that I'm a very open-minded girl who only thought about travel, being single, and partying. I wanted to travel in order to explore more, experience life, and be myself.
We started dating. He brought me everywhere that interested him, his sports bar, his place, and even weekend get-a-aways. I liked him eventually, but I was vocal about not being ready for any commitment, especially getting pregnant or getting married soon. However, whenever we were together it was just perfect. This is when he was vocal about falling in love with me. He wants to marry me. It was just after two weeks that he started to show me his love. It was magical. He said he loves me. I didn't believe it at first because it was too early to say that and he was aware that I was dating other guys. I was honest about that with him and he knows I don't want any relationship.
I like him and see him as a potential boyfriend. We exchanged messages. We see each other. We seem to be in a relationship already. Throughout the dating period, I was only aware that he was separated and under stress because of his serious trial. I was aware of his financial status, which is bad. The only thing I was not aware of was his ex-girlfriend being pregnant.
One night I was hanging out with friends, which I think he knew, I certainly didn't hide it from him, so I failed to meet him the next day. He was kind of upset. He didn't bother to message me or answer my calls. It was then that it hit me. It was painful and later I realized he had become very special to me.
That night he messaged me that he was hurt, and he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, then I understand where he coming from so I accept it and told him that I would still be his friend no matter what.
It was almost midnight when I saw him in a bar, the bar where we first met. It was painful to see him in there as I can see he wanted to get over me. He approached me and kissed me on my cheek, but I ignored him. Later I decided to get this thing sorted out, so I approach him to go with me to another bar, but he refused and said I came here to cut you out of my life. That hurt! I left and went to my friends' table and got a lot of tequilas. He came over again, texted me, and still cared and even waited. l I got so jealous seeing some girl approaching him, but I guess that night proved that we fell for each other, so I went home with him! We argued, a big drama, but we ended up okay and in love!
It was after two months I realize I'm falling in love with him. I moved into his place. The relationship was totally amazing, we see each other in the future. I learned a lot from him. We were compatible in many ways: from music to cooking, to sports, to movies, to even life quotes. We cuddled and we pretty much enjoyed each other's company. When we did argue, we didn't go to sleep without fixing it. We both know that we were still adjusting to the nearly 25-year age gap. But I was never so happy as this before. He is perfectly my soulmate, my true love. He showed me through his love and sacrifices. I didn't have time to think about his ex-girlfriend at all because he showed me love. I didn't end up wandering. I felt safe and secure.
Then I wanted a baby. I was thinking of having a baby with him. He was aware of that and he let me. He didn't stop me. He was not even controlling. He knew that there was a possibility that I would get pregnant, and I did.
I am having difficulty in my pregnancy, so I decided to go back to my home country. Before my flight back I saw that there is a message that intrigued me. I found a profile of another woman. Though I didn't read everything, I did find a "babe" word in it. He said it was his ex. They are friends and on good terms. I was the only one having a baby with him. He never said anything but throughout that, I was still blinded.
Then last month I decided to do some research and found a way to know his ex-girlfriend. I found pictures of them together back several years ago. Everything he said about his ex was not consistent. Then I found another picture that showed a baby son. It was crazy. I didn't know how to react this time. I felt cold and heartbroken. I messaged him. He said he was sorry, and he said he didn't want to hurt me, he wants me as his wife, and that he is not giving up on me. I wasn't really happy about it. I started doubting.
We talk every day. He is supporting me financially. He is coming next month but he is going to visit his ex and his son too. I want to let go of him, but I don't have the courage because I want my child to have a father, even if it means I'm going to be in misery throughout my pregnancy! I need his support for now as I don't have any resources. Right now all I can think about is what happened after the trial. Will his case will be dropped, he proves his innocence, or goes to prison? Do you think we have a future together? Now he is even calling my mom and telling my mom that he won't ever let me down, that he is winning the case for sure, that he is going to marry me and have a future with him. He prays. We pray. You won't believe this, but my family is religious and conservative. They often go to church. I feel bad because I was too much of a sinner, but they accepted me and love me unconditionally. That love he has for me and often tells me he loves me unconditionally, that no matter what life throws at us he will be there always to love me unconditionally.
What should I do? He never gives up on me. I am so weak, but I love him and don't want to just give up too, but I'm afraid I can't take this anymore. What should I do, please? Yes, I have prayed to the Lord and asked Him to forgive me. I even prayed for him mostly.
I'll appreciate it if you can message me back as I have been looking for answers.
Answer:
You are asking someone to help solve problems that you created for yourself by ignoring God and His teachings. While you desire a solution, you indicate that you have no interest in serving Him because you think God would reject you. What you are doing is not right, but you are by no stretch of the imagination the worst sinner whom God has forgiven. The problem has never been on God's side, it has always been your desire to go against convention and be your own person.
You drink and commit adultery, which are contrary to God's law (Romans 13:13-14; I Corinthians 6:9-10; I Thessalonians 5:5-8). They are wrong because they cause harm. You got pregnant on purpose, so now you are dragging an innocent child into the mess you've created. You are dating a man who appears to have a criminal record (I know, he claims to be innocent), who is still married and has children he has abandoned, who has a child by another mistress and has money problems. Yet, you think you are different and that he loves only you. He says he will always be there for you, but his history demonstrates a series of shattered lives. Besides, he is still communicating with his other mistress. His promises have no meaning.
Since he is an adulterer, by God's law he is not allowed a second marriage because that would continue his sin of adultery. Anyone marrying him would be joining him in adultery. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9).
You need to stop living in a fantasy. Life is not about fun and games. You are responsible for your actions. You brought a life into this world with an unreliable and unworthy man. If you are not prepared to raise this child properly, you need to find a loving family to adopt the child. There is no reason this innocent child should join in your suffering.
But if you want to be an adult, then dump the man and find a good man to be your husband and the father of your child. Give up your ways of sin and become a Christian.
Question:
Hello sir,
I wrote to you two years ago. I gave birth since that time. She was very beautiful but I lost her. I carried her for 8 months and had a miscarriage. While I am still with this man, I am desperate for help. We are trying to fix everything but God doesn't allow this. I think it is because our relationship is wrong. We sinned. We committed adultery. But every night I cried. I was feeling lost, angry and depressed, but I prayed to God to forgive us for our sins.
Last year I suffered from a mental illness. I had panic disorder. I almost died but my man was still there for me.
I never saw him for over two years. His wife and children don't know about me. They only know about his ex-girlfriend with whom he had a son. He and his ex-girlfriend have cleared up their relationship with me. They are not together. He just needs to support his son.
I am writing to you because after all that happened, we are still together, and I still love him. I go to church with my family. He goes to Bible study. He was baptized months ago. We studied together on Skype and read our Bible.
He was never happy with his marriage life, He hasn't divorced her yet because he was focused on building his business and for the future of the children he had before me. I was never happy in any relationship with any man until I found him. He has nothing. Even today he has almost no cash in his pocket.
I have a job now. I have been working for over half a year. I am away from my family. But you are right, sir, I will never have peace in my life. In my heart is a lot of pain. I am scared that if I let go, I will sin again. I want to do something about this: find a better job and save money. If God doesn't allow this, I hope and pray He gives me multiple signs. I would like to get an opportunity or to let go if my heart is in the right place. I still do love him, and, sir, I am willing to listen to your advice. He changed me. I don't drink or go out anymore, but what if I'm heartbroken and I'm tempted? What if I tried all this again? To be honest, I'm a very weak person and Satan is using that against me. I couldn't stop thinking about it that if I learned to let go, then I will sin again.
Answer:
You tell me that you will listen to my advice, but it appears you have ignored what I told you the last time. If I understand you correctly, this man is still married and has managed to hide from his family that he has been having an affair with you. He has broken up with his other mistress, but he remains in contact with her and you. You tell me you haven't seen him in over two years, but you continue to talk to him over the Internet.
He claims to have become a Christian, but he still sees women behind his wife's back. Nothing has changed. While he is not having sex with you, he still hasn't repented of his adultery. Even if he divorced his wife, he would not be allowed by God to marry another woman. This man is taken. He is not for you. Move on with your life.
Question:
Hello sir.
I bring you good news and this is an answered prayer. It took me seven years to finally let go of the relationship that you told me wasn’t really for me. It’s been almost one year already since the last time we communicated. I blocked all his contacts and in several more months, my contract finishes here. Meanwhile, I will strive harder to better myself and my loved ones. I'm independent, peaceful, and happy. I found my purpose. God works in mysterious ways in my life and His love and faithfulness in me. I am always grateful for this life.
Thank you because you were there sir Jeff to remind me of all these things that pushed me hard to do better in life.
More power to you and your church.
Answer:
I'm glad to hear that you are finally yielding to God's will.
