Was she married?
Question:
Greetings in Jesus' name,
I was searching for an answer to a particular question that affected me, and I came across a similar question and answer on your website.
I'm not yet married. I fell in love with a girl in my locality. I was born and raised there before immigrating to another country and acquiring citizenship. I met her on Facebook, and we got to know and understand each other. I love the girl, and she also loves me.
The problem is that she was once married to a man during her teenage years. The marriage lasted for six months. Out of the six months, she spent two months in her husband’s house and the remaining four months in her parent’s house as she attended a college close to her family's house. During the two months at her husband's home, he was at his duty post in another part of the country. He visited home one week.
She was given money for school fees but lost it. She explained the loss to her husband, and the husband came and abused and beat her mercilessly. Her sister heard of it and paid back the lost money. But the girl and her sister decided she was not returning and ended everything.
She kept on building herself, and now she is 24 years old. The marriage was never legalized. No court marriage, no church marriage, and no traditional marriage was done. I didn’t ask if the husband was a Christian or Muslim because her family is mixed up in terms of religion, but she attended a Catholic church. She explained all these things to me. I inquired and found it to be true.
Now, I’m confused. Is she a divorcee or not? Am I allowed to marry her as a Christian or not? Her first husband remarried and didn’t try to reconcile things. I truly love her, and she loves me right now. Despite this, my father did not oppose my marrying her, but he told me so many things. At first, he refused, but when I explained everything to him and told him that I didn’t mind her past, he said he could not stop me from what I wanted. I need guidance to help me make a decision.
Thank you.
Question:
The core question is whether this woman was married. Marriage is done through covenant vows (Malachi 2:14). A claim of being married does not create a marriage. Even legally, I checked her country's laws, and common-law marriages are not recognized.
I would recommend checking the courthouse in her area to double-check her story. I assume you talked to her family and friends and verified that she was not legally married. If she divorced him, there would have been a legal record of it. The reason for records is to handle the distribution of property when one of the couples dies. Simply moving out and saying you don't want to be married anymore is insufficient evidence in a court. Given that, she lived with a man for several months, committing fornication with him, and then broke up.
Thus, there is no legal reason that you cannot marry her.
However, this isn't the only criterion that should be used when considering marrying a woman. It would be best to consider whether she will help you grow stronger as a Christian. You mentioned that she and her family are mixed when it comes to religion, so you need to talk about religion with her in depth. Your wife will be involved in your family finances, so I would strongly suggest that you find out how she lost a large sum of money she needed for her education. There may be a good reason, but the question should be asked. Finally, you should find out if there are any children involved. After all, she was having sex with a guy for a while. Pregnancy would be an expected result.
Check Getting to Know Each Other for a more extensive list of things to discuss before marriage.
