The man I committed adultery with wants to marry me, but I’m not certain it is right
Question:
Good evening
I'm a child of God who knows the truth about salvation but backslid for many years. I met this man on a speed date. He is a pastor. He runs his own ministry with very few church members. At the time we met earlier this year I was so deep in the things of this world. We fell in love, until the 11th week of my pregnancy. I came to my senses, fearing God.
He wants to pay lobola for me but he's not ready yet in terms of finances. He is separated from his wife. He can't divorce her yet because the paperwork isn't finished. He can't resist me. I've told him that I can't visit him anymore because we are sinning. He keeps on begging that I should not keep distanced from him, he loves me, and he wants to marry me. He really loves me, of course, but there's a lot I don't understand about his spiritual life. He is not strong a leader and a man called by God. And he's still married too.
Please I kindly need advice. I'm praying to God for an answer. I'm striving to live rightously, even though I'm already pregnant.
Thanks.
Answer:
I am always saddened by people who start their notes out claiming to be Christians and then follow it with a description of behavior that is anything but obedient to Christ. Please don't misunderstand me, I'm glad you saw that your adultery was wrong. But you are portraying this man as something he is not.
He claims to love you, but he wasn't interested in you or he being righteous -- and he remains that way. Love "does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own ... does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth" (I Corinthians 13:5-6). Yet, he would rather commit adultery. I would not be surprised to learn that the reason for his divorce is because of his adultery, not just with you but also with other women before you. After all, he was "speed dating" when he met you. He was going out with women he barely knew while he is married.
He claims to be a teacher of God's law while violating that very law. That is a part of Peter's description of a false teacher. "For speaking out arrogant words of vanity they entice by fleshly desires, by sensuality, those who barely escape from the ones who live in error, promising them freedom while they themselves are slaves of corruption; for by what a man is overcome, by this he is enslaved" (II Peter 2:18-19).
If a man is willing to go against God because of his sexual passion and is willing to break his marriage covenant just for sex, what makes you think that he won't do it again later?
This man is not husband material. He is a predator.
Response:
Hi,
Thank you for getting back to me. I appreciate your advice. I will consider it and keep on praying on it. I wish God to give me the strength to quit.
