The Family Meal
by L. A. Stauffer
via Biblical Insights, Vol. 15 No. 2, February 2015
Much has been said in our times by psychiatrists and family experts about bonding between parents and children. Fathers and mothers are told to hold, hug, rock, and talk with their children in the very first hours and days of their lives. It is believed and strongly affirmed that this will create healthy family relationships and foster self-esteem in the children. How much of this is measurable by true scientific research may be questionable, but it surely makes good common sense. Even teaching children the scriptures, as it occurred in the life of Timothy, can and must begin when they are “babes” and are unable to either speak words or understand the message that is taught (see II Timothy 3:15).
A sense of being loved and respected is crucial for healthy minds and feelings of self-worth. Why wouldn't the handling of children and words of endearment or instruction early on mold a wholesome attitude in offspring toward themselves and their parents? And it is also clear that such relationships must continue throughout childhood and adolescence, right into adulthood. Bonding is ongoing when there is togetherness and unity—when the family shares in work, play, problem-solving, Bible study, prayer, and a host of other activities.
Spending time together and visiting with one another are great times to talk about dad’s day at work, about mom’s labors in the home, and about the kids’ activities at school. It can include talking about a math problem, a funny joke, a favorite teacher, a political issue, an outstanding sports feat, a moral dilemma, an encouraging friend, or an anticipated career— whatever. The important point is that families spend time together, showing an interest in one another and their lives.
A significant opportunity to do this is at the dinner table when the whole family assembles for the evening meal. The difficulty is that there is no longer a family meal. The first problem is that Mom is no longer in the home to fix meals. With the extra money she earns outside the home, dad or mom can grab something on the way home, such as McDonald's, a pizza, or a few tacos for supper.
A second problem is that the kids—and Dad and Mom—are allowed to take their meals to the living room, gather around the TV, and watch a cartoon or a recorded sitcom. And there is no conversation, except, maybe, an occasional “be quiet, I can’t hear.”
And there goes what could have been the most valuable hour of the day. The family meal, brethren, if I may say it without being sacrilegious, ought to be the “altar” around which the parents and children assemble each day to display their love, honor, and interest in and toward one another. It should be a “sacred” time—a time set apart for commitment and dedication to the needs and interests of each family member. Someone said, “The family that eats together stays together.” An immeasurable and almost unbreakable bond is formed when years of this ritual are observed.
Paul Harvey, many years ago, reported on the lack of crime in Chinatown, an area of Chicago. Before broadcasting one of his radio programs, he visited Chinatown to speak with public officials and other prominent figures about the profound respect children had for their parents. He concluded and reported that one reason for the low crime rate in this area of Chicago was that children had a wholesome dread of bringing reproach on their families. But why did they esteem their families so highly? Harvey’s conclusion, after extensive research and numerous questions, was that the family meal was sacred to the Chinese; it was inviolable—a ritual in which every family member was expected to participate.
This calls to mind the “worthy woman” who, according to Proverbs 31, “looks well to the ways of her household...she rises also while it is yet night, and gives food to her household” (Proverbs 31:15, 27).
Worthy wives and mothers take seriously the role of cooking for their husbands and children, thereby setting aside time daily for a family gathering in which household members can share their lives, blend their hearts, and bond their souls in unity and love. Oh, what wonders this simple, ancient practice could work in a nation that is divided and falling apart at the seams. The family meal, brethren: remember it and make it a regular part of your home!
