Shouldn’t my wife tell me who she had her affair with?
Question:
My wife had an affair for about a month that she confessed to. I was in the hospital with a stroke for several weeks and she spent several nights at this person's house. Although she has admitted to the affair she refuses to tell me with who. She says she is not telling me to "protect me," but that merely puts more questions in my mind.
I am having a real problem dealing with this for many reasons but primarily because of disease, not knowing if the person is still around (although she denies this) and the fact that I feel like she is withholding what I feel is very important information from me. I feel like at least if I knew who it was I wouldn't constantly have to wonder every time we are around someone. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I do.
Anyway, I'm considering ending my marriage, not because of the affair, but because she is keeping this information from me. My question is I have been unable to find a real answer to this question biblically, do I have a right to know his name? If so would leaving my wife be proper considering she is withholding this information. I do still love my wife but I'm at a loss as to what I should do. I should also mention that my wife is a Christian and has asked for forgiveness from God, who I know forgives her, and she has asked me to forgive her as well. I'm just having a difficult time doing so because I feel like her not telling me his name is a secret I can't get over.
Answer:
There is no requirement that details of a forgiven sin have to be told. Knowing who had committed adultery with your wife would destroy your relationship with that person. The only thing I would suggest to your wife is that she no longer have dealings with the person and that if he is a Christian she asks an elder or preacher to contact him to make sure he has repented of his sins.
Jesus' statement in Matthew 19:9 implies an ongoing problem with fornication. This isn't the case in your situation. Forgive your wife because she has been forgiven by God. Don't forget, "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:14-15).
