Should the man always make the first move in a relationship?
Question:
I am now in a community where most men at my age are married; only one is single. I think he is a very good person, I don’t dress immodestly like I used to. I think physical attraction would not be important for a man seeing a good woman, although, yes it is a must that he must not dislike her looks and that she has to be attractive to him a bit, although not too much. But this person seems to be not interested in a relationship. I believe that the man is the one who must find the woman and tell her that he loves her not the woman, right? Although I have women friends who have asked the men themselves instead of waiting for the men to ask them. What is your opinion about this?
Answer:
The methods employed in locating a spouse varies widely between cultures. Generally, it is expected that the man initiates the relationship and if you consider it for the moment, it does make a bit of sense. In a marriage relationship, the man is required to be the head of the family (I Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:23). The willingness to speak first is a small demonstration of the ability to lead.
At times, though, a man might need a small push to see what is obvious to the woman. For example, in the story of Ruth, Ruth worked in the fields as a charity case to supply food for her mother-in-law and herself. Ruth didn't realize it, but the field she selected was owned by a relative of her deceased father-in-law. Boaz spoke to her, realized she was related, and made sure that she was protected (Ruth 2:8-13). He even asked her to join him for lunch (Ruth 2:14). Nothing more might have happened, but Naomi, Ruth's mother-in-law, told Ruth that at the celebration at the end of harvest to dress up. "Therefore wash yourself and anoint yourself, put on your best garment and go down to the threshing floor; but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking. Then it shall be, when he lies down, that you shall notice the place where he lies; and you shall go in, uncover his feet, and lie down; and he will tell you what you should do" (Ruth 3:3-4).
Many scholars conjecture as to what this symbolic action represented, but the most sensible is that Ruth was indicating that she was willing to serve Boaz (willing to be under his feet). Boaz wouldn't hear of Ruth becoming a servant in his house. He was impressed that she had not chased after men as other women did (Ruth 3:10) and he realized that she had an excellent character (Ruth 3:11). Thus, Boaz realized that he wanted Ruth as a wife, not as a servant. Yet, Ruth had to give him a small push to make him realize that she was available and worthy to be his wife by offering to be his servant.
Now, I'm not saying that this is what you need to do to find a husband, but I am saying that you can give a man "hints" that you are interested in marriage if he would consider it.
