Should I tell my husband I have herpes?
Question:
Hi
I am a Christian in the Lord's Church and been baptized since I was 14. However, during my Army days, when I was in my early 20's, I strayed and committed sin. While in the world, I contracted an STD (herpes). I was only 23 at the time and that was the worst experience in my life and even now, it's still hard to grasp.
I ended up meeting someone, getting married, and have been for about five years. Before we were married, I ended up pregnant and through testing found out I had chlamydia from him. While looking through his medical file, I found out that he had this once before I met him. I also found an old medication in his room one day in which I forget the name of it, but I remember hearing of it before and realized that it's used to treat warts of some type. I confronted him about it and he said he a bump on his privates and that it came and left with the medication. But either way, we stayed together. We ended up getting married a year later.
Since we have been married, I have re-dedicated my life to Christ and have been growing faithfully in obedience. The thing is I never told my hubby that I had herpes. I was then, and now, too embarrassed. I was in denial so long, and I just couldn't believe that I had this junk, especially since I didn't have many sex partners when I was out in the world. Plus the realization of how being in the world and not following God is a slap in the face. I know I turned around, but I must deal with the consequence of my actions, even though I have repented of the past sins.
Here I am today, and I'm taking a course in teaching others the gospel. I am learning a lot and it has opened my mind up to more. I wanted to know if never mentioning to my hubby about herpes is an act of deceiving someone. I would have never known about the wart thing had I not found the empty medicine bottle or the chlamydia had I not gotten tested, but yet I forgave him and we ended up married. But I want to make sure my conscience is right. I know herpes doesn't kill, and I thank God as it could've easily been something worst like HIV/AIDS. But I questioned if it was me on the other end, would I have wanted to know? So it bothers me.
I know the thing I have learned from this is when you are in the world anything is liable to happen. I wish a million times I would've had done right but years have passed and there's no point in looking back now. I'm trying to continue to grow closer to God so that I can have a hope of Heaven one day.
We currently have multiple children and both work full-time. He also is a member of the Lord's church. At the time when we first met, he wasn't faithful either. We both now attend, although he's not as faithful, I'm trying to help get him right. So I would like to know your thoughts on the situation, please.
Thanks for your response.
Answer:
The problem of hiding this disease is that you put another person at risk of contracting it without their knowing it. Yes, the symptoms of herpes are fairly mild for healthy adults. The biggest risk is with newborn children, so each time you become pregnant, your doctor needs to know so the proper precautions to prevent passing the virus on to your child.
Neither you nor your husband was virgins when you came together. Both of you had multiple sex partners. Since you had chlamydia, I assume your husband was also treated; otherwise, there is a possibility of continuing to pass it back and forth between the two of you. The HPV (genital wart) problem means you need to get PAP smear tests regularly because HPV is associated with cervical cancer in women. A specific examination for genital warts for both you and your husband might be the safest route. Unlike herpes, genital warts can be dealt with.
Regarding the herpes, it is highly likely that you've already passed on the disease to your husband since you didn't take any precautions. Still, it is better to tell him than for him to find out later he has herpes. Be clear that you're sorry that you hid it for so long, but you've come to realize that you weren't showing respect for him by keeping it hidden. He also needs to know that you've had this for a long time and did not pick this up recently. If he is concerned, have him tested for the virus and talk to the doctor about living with it.
"Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; he who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, and his reproach will not be wiped away" (Proverbs 6:32-33).
