Question:

Hi,

I’ve been trying to figure out what I should do with my mom. We aren’t in good terms for almost two years now due to some differences we have in life and decision making. Last year, I decided to move out and want to live independently since I don’t think she really cares about me.

Recently my mom was diagnosed with depression. I am willing to help her by having her live with me., but she doesn’t want that. The thing about my mom is that she tends to lie about things. She gets angry easily and she thinks ill of other people. I want her to be okay, I want to help her, but my capacity is limited.

My question is: Is it okay if I run away from this and just live my life the way I want it to be and come back when I am fully ready to accept the situation?

Right now, my mom doesn’t really want neither me or my other brother. She only wants and believes my youngest brother, who I hate the most because I blamed him for the things that are happening in our family.

My youngest brother was arrested. After he got out of prison, he left home saying it’s because of mom. Actually, the reason he got out of prison was because of mom’s dedication, He came back with a girl who turned out to be pregnant. The baby came into this world, but he never got a job. Before the baby turned one, the girl again is pregnant. They can’t take care of their babies.

Right now, he is living with a new girl, leaving his children with us. The mother of my nieces is missing in action.

I just heard a few days ago that my brother and his ex are living together with my mom. My brother is trying to hide from the new girl.

My mom hates me. She blames me that our relatives are not giving her money. She has money issues. My brother has drug issues. How could I trust them with money?

Currently, my first niece and my brother are living with me. My mom is living with my nieces' parents along with the youngest niece.

Is it wrong if I decided to turn my back on my mom? She decided to live with my youngest brother and I think would be the best solution since she’s always looking for him.

I know I lack a lot as a daughter, but right now I just want to live without her and my youngest brother. I am taking responsibility for my other brother until he finishes college. We’ll try to make things work and then reach out to mom once we are OK in all aspects.

I love my mom but sometimes she makes me hate her for always siding with my youngest brother. I honestly can’t see myself living with my youngest brother again, but I want to see him living with his own family happily. I just want him to man up and be responsible instead of leeching off of girls and my mom. My nieces deserve to have a good father.

Answer:

You describe a difficult situation. You are getting overwhelmed because you are trying to be responsible for too many people.

Your mom is an adult. I'm sorry that she has depression, but she has been living her life so far with it. The depression did not start when she was diagnosed with it. She should have a job (II Thessalonians 3:10) and if her mental state doesn't allow her to hold onto a job, then she needs to apply for government assistance. Help her with the application, if she needs it, but the rest is up to her. You offered her a place to stay and she chose to go her own way. Your duty, as a daughter, is to check up on her, but you can't stop her from ruining her life if that is what she chooses. Right now, she is trying to find meaning in her life by "rescuing" your youngest brother and fixing his problems, which will fail.

Your youngest brother is a drug addict and a fornicator. You can't fix him. He has to choose to leave his sins and, sadly, that isn't going to happen any time soon. The best thing that you can do for him is to not enable him. Thus, he isn't in your life until he gets a life. You don't offer him a place to stay. You don't give him money. Since your mom is supporting him, you don't send money to your mom either. They will likely call you all sorts of nasty names, but it doesn't matter. You can't support sin.

I'm am so happy that you are helping out your responsible brother! That is the proper way to help people. Make it clear that as long as he acts responsibly and lives as a Christian should that he will always be welcomed in your home.

I'm proud of you for also taking in your niece. She needs a responsible person to help her grow up. Try to keep her contact with her parents to a minimum. If possible, try to get full legal guardianship of her. You might have to do the same for your other niece. If you can't handle raising the children, then work with the authorities to find them a good home.

You can't do good for either your responsible brother or your nieces if you don't also take care of yourself. Stay in contact with your mother, but don't take on her problems. Keep your youngest brother out of your life as much as possible.

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