Should I date one of my former students?
Question:
Hi,
I enjoy your website, filled with numerous answers. I have something which has been eating me for a while and I'm in total confusion.
I'm currently teaching at a school. Last year I taught this young lady. She is no longer a student there and is preparing to go to a university this fall. Here is my dilemma. I really like her a lot and we have been in touch since she left school. I like her character and 'lady-ness.' I would love to ask her to marry me. But I'm afraid of the consequences being that I was her teacher for the past three years. I try to imagine how awkward it would be to imagine having to invite my workmates (her other former teachers) to our wedding. Not only would it be awkward, but would it be morally right? I once tried asking out another lady but, apparently, she wasn't what I would term 'wife material' and I decided not to. But this one seems quite 'perfect' (not perfect as in flawless but ... hope you get the point ). I haven't asked her out. But I'm sure I would love to marry her. But what would be the reaction of the administration at the school, the students I teach, her parents? At the same time, I would not want to see a wonderful lady go just like that.
How about morally? What would God say?
Answer:
First, remember that it is you who find her attractive. Since you haven't talked to her, you do not have an idea how she would view the situation. It isn't appropriate to ask someone to marry you until you are fairly confident that she feels the same way about you as you feel about her.
What I would suggest is to allow a little time to pass. Stay in touch, but only as a casual friend. After a year or so of her being away at the university, you can ask if she might consider going out with you on a date. With the time having passed, it won't be a matter of undue pressure because you were once her teacher.
