My husband returned to his first wife and now I’m confused


Good day,

I have been separated for over a year from my best friend of over 10 years and my husband for less than a year, though legally we were married for over a year. He had been married once before to a woman who continuously committed adultery with multiple people every time he would leave for deployments. After years of forgiving and trying to stick it out, they finally divorce. A few months after he and I started seeing each other. Years before he met her, we always danced around the idea but the timing was never quite right. Within a month of us seriously dating we decided to get married -- when you know you know. I felt deeply that something beyond explanation put us together.

Long story short, a few months into our marriage he left again for deployment. I remained faithful and supportive. I am not quite sure how, but he and his ex-wife started communicating again while he was away. During this same time, I felt as if a dark cloud was over our marriage but had no clue what was on the other side. But I just felt an instant disconnect with him. He came back. We talked about counseling one day and literally the next he was telling me he wanted to go back to his ex-wife, then immediately started a physical affair with her. I was so hurt and confused. I slipped into a very dark place, but I was reintroduced to God. I came out of it. But things had gotten so bad to fight for my marriage that I had to leave.

Months later, I discovered that she was pregnant. Which he has still not told me even though the child is here now. He has completely cut me out of his life as if I never existed, as if we are not still married. For a while I was angry, but I never hated him. I only hated her because she went after him after she found out he had married me. But I prayed on it. Asked God to forgive me for my anger, to remove my hatred, and give me peace. Once I got those things, I started to pray for my husband -- that he would be shaken spiritually, as he was now claiming to be an atheist. And the hardest part was for me to pray for her -- that she herself would be shaken by God and realize that her deeds are deeds of sin. Of course, I prayed for my husband to return to me, but I don't know if that's God's will or in His plan.

My question is this:

  1. Will God forgive them for their adultery?
  2. Though she was his first wife, in the eyes of God, is he still spiritually bonded to her by marriage? (the child is another story I know).
  3. How does this all pan out in the eyes of God? Our marriage? (I have already forgiven them both, accepted that it happened, and trust that God is working).

Please help. I'm so confused here.


Taking things as presented, he had the right to divorce his wife because of her adultery. He had the right to marry again. He could have returned to his first wife if he had so chosen. But because he is married to a different woman, he did not have the right to start having sex with her -- he is guilty of adultery. None of this is due to God's working; it is due to man's sins.

While you claim you knew that this marriage was right, hindsight shows that the relationship was rushed. He has not been faithful to you. Since he doesn't indicate a willingness to return to you, you have the right to divorce him because of his adultery. If you choose to, you could remarry after your divorce.

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