My girlfriend died and I feel like I’m losing my faith
Question:
Several months ago my beautiful girlfriend died from a heroin overdose. She and I were so in love and my life revolved around her. We missed each other the moment I would leave for work. We were together for two years and have been through a lot together. I had so much more to give her. I feel so sad all the time, and I'm grieving. I know that's normal, but I am questioning my faith, I'm questioning if she's in heaven, I'm asking God for answers but I'm not getting any. I go to church and just feel out of place now. I don't know what is happening to me other than I feel her death is destroying me and I feel God is not with me. I'm lost now I feel I have no purpose. Why did this happen and what is happening to me? I would feel so much better if she would come to me somehow and let me know she's OK and in spirit is alive and well. I'm questioning if there's even an afterlife now. I'm so lost.
Answer:
I'm sorry about your loss. There is nothing, however, that will bring her back. "For there is hope for a tree, if it is cut down, that it will sprout again, and that its tender shoots will not cease. Though its root may grow old in the earth, and its stump may die in the ground, yet at the scent of water it will bud and bring forth branches like a plant. But man dies and is laid away; indeed he breathes his last and where is he? As water disappears from the sea, and a river becomes parched and dries up, so man lies down and does not rise. Till the heavens are no more, they will not awake nor be roused from their sleep" (Job 14:7-12). Where she will spend eternity is now in the hands of God, based on the life she lived. "If you say, "Surely we did not know this," Does not He who weighs the hearts consider it? He who keeps your soul, does He not know it? And will He not render to each man according to his deeds?" (Proverbs 24:12). Meanwhile, life goes on and the question is: What will you do with your life? Whether someone is in heaven or hell, I can guarantee that this person wants everyone they know to be in heaven.
You speak of wondering whether God is with you and that question was once addressed by John. "Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, "I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked" (I John 2:3-6).
You hint that you haven't been obedient to God and I'm guessing that has become more true in these last few months. You can't bring her back, you can't change her destiny, but you can make yourself into a man whom she would be glad to know made the best of his life on earth by pleasing God. "Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth; walk in the ways of your heart, and in the sight of your eyes; but know that for all these God will bring you into judgment. Therefore remove sorrow from your heart, and put away evil from your flesh, for childhood and youth are vanity" (Ecclesiastes 11:9-10).
