My cousin is upset that I didn’t invite her to my wedding
Question:
Hello Pastor,
I have a question that has been on my mind recently. I was reading in Matthew something like, “If your brother has something against you, leave your offering at the altar and reconcile.” I remembered a circumstance that happened a while ago, and it’s worrying me if I’m right with the Lord. I wonder if this holds me back.
When I got married, we had a limit of 240 guests. We mainly invited family and close friends from church. Honestly, I wanted to invite more people from church because I’m closer to them than my actual family, whom I don’t see or talk to. To please my parents, I invited most of my family.
There is a particular cousin though, I didn’t invite. First, we’re not close; we don’t talk. Unfortunately, she decided to leave the church years ago and live a sinful lifestyle. Since we think differently, we don’t interact. After that, it was because my mom kept her distance from her. Her daughter tried to accuse my brother and another cousin of sexual abuse. Afterward, it turned out it wasn’t true. She was trying to get out of trouble by using that false statement. My mom decided to keep her distance for the sake of our family and avoid further defamation.
Getting back to the point, this cousin got angry and upset that I didn’t invite her. I didn’t leave her out as a way to hurt her. She called other family members, expressing her anger and being upset about not being invited. She said we had a black heart (evil) for not inviting her.
Does that Bible verse apply to this situation? It's weird to bring that up since we don’t talk, but I worry I’m sinning by knowing she had something against me.
Thanks.
Answer:
"You have heard that the ancients were told, 'You shall not commit murder' and 'Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.' But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, 'You good-for-nothing,' shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, 'You fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with him on the way, so that your opponent may not hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Truly I say to you, you will not come out of there until you have paid up the last cent" (Matthew 5:21-26).
Jesus is discussing different forms of anger and why anger is as much a crime as murder. Matthew 5:22 is about anger at another. Matthew 5:23-26 is about anger directed toward you. We cannot control the response of every person. After all, Jesus faced angry mobs several times and was killed. Jesus said it would happen to his followers (Matthew 5:10-12). "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men" (Romans 12:18).
Your cousin left the church. Her daughter falsely accused your brother to avoid responsibility for something she did. Your cousin's family and your family have stopped talking for years. Any reasonable person would not expect a wedding invitation, but your cousin is unreasonable. Like her daughter, she is stirring up problems because that is her nature. Knowing she was upset, the proper response is to state the obvious: We had limited seats, and there were many we would have liked to have invited, but could not. You don't have to mention that you would not have invited her even if there were enough seats.
You are not going to resolve the issues that she has caused. You can tell her that you would love for her to return to the Lord's church as a faithful member and that you would like to see her reach heaven. If that problem could be resolved, then it would be possible to settle the other issues. Unfortunately, I don't think it will happen since it depends on your cousin changing her heart. "For in the case of those who have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, it is impossible to renew them again to repentance, since they again crucify to themselves the Son of God and put Him to open shame" (Hebrews 6:4-6). Don't let the wicked shift the blame for their sins on you.
Returning to Matthew 5:23, Jesus is focused on a brother having a problem with you. Your cousin ceased to be a brother when she chose sin over God. You must still hope for the best for her, but she doesn't control your ability to worship God with her anger and strife.
