My boyfriend isn’t a strong Christian leader, so I don’t know if I should marry him
Question:
Hello,
I enjoy reading your posts. You bring glory to God and you really seek to help people who are astray by giving godly advice. You speak the truth, and it's not yours but God's. I am quite sure He is pleased with you and your work. I pray that He blesses you and your family for your faith and good works.
If you could help me with a problem I'm dealing with, I would greatly appreciate it.
Well, to start I am a twenty-year-old female. I will be attending pre-veterinary as I aim to be a veterinarian. I was wondering: How do I know if that's what God wants me to do? I aim to please Him in all areas of my life, and academics are no exception.
Another thing is, I have a boyfriend who is currently 23. We've known each other for five years, and I didn't find him attractive at all. But now I see something in him and it's not just physically but more. I guess after getting my heart broken from a relationship with an unbeliever, it's a relief that he has a desire to grow spiritually like me. However, as we know, men should be strong spiritual leaders -- the head of the household. I love him dearly, but he grows spiritually slowly. He just recently devoted his life to Christ. While we are both babes in the Lord, I seem to grow more spiritually. I desire to learn more about God, so I tend to read, pray and study more about God. I know often times people can be discouraged from reading on their own.
Lately, we have been talking about marriage because he has one semester left. I really seek wisdom and guidance from God. I know I should be patient with him and hold his hand while he grows. I always seek to have God in the center of the relationship, and I know the importance of having a personal relationship with Him. We do pray together and read together. I see his growth, but how do I encourage him to seek the Lord, not just when we are together but when we are apart? I seek marriage but I desire a strong spiritual leader. I know he's capable of being one. It is just that I don't know what to do to see that God fulfills everything, and He alone makes us complete.
At the end of the day, I know that if he asks I would have to say no now because what if kids come into the picture? I need their father to be the head, a leader, and a role model for them. Would he truly know how to love me as Christ loves the church? He can't learn how to be a good husband and leader if he doesn't read God's word more. What about the tough times? God knows He's the only thing that would keep us together. My goal is to grow together in God.
What should I do?
Answer:
I can't make this decision for you. I can only teach you what you should consider.
It is good that you are working to be a strong Christian. It sounds like your boyfriend is working at it as well, though he isn't on fire as much as you are. That is not surprising since two people don't grow at the same rate. The question you have to ask yourself is will he continue to grow or is he only learning about Christ right now to please you? If it is the latter, then it may stop after marriage. One way to gauge this is to note what he does when you are not around. It isn't just how much he reads, it must also include how well he is applying what he learns to his life.
"Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does" (James 1:21-25).
If he is learning, then he can also learn to be a strong Christian leader. Such takes time and I can't predict whether he will grow into such a man or not. But one aspect of a leader is that someone is willing to follow. Thus, a stronger question for you is whether you are willing to hold him in respect, even when he disappoints you. "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:33). Respect is something you choose to give, and not demand that it be earned.
