I’ve made mistakes in the past. How do I know if this is the man I should date?
Question:
I'm looking for guidance, please.
This past year I found my faith after six long years as an atheist. I've made a lot of changes in myself through the power of God since then.
I met a man during the summer who turned out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing, he used the Lord and scripture to blindside me and manipulate me. For my sanity and soul I broke it off with him, which was extremely hard because I felt deep down maybe God sent him to me, maybe he was the one. He was the only man I'd ever had a faith-based relationship with and the feeling was incredible.
A week after I broke up with him I got a call from his second girlfriend whom he started dating seriously after me. He was seeing both of us at the same time apparently and had three mistresses besides us on the side. I was astounded and realized I trusted too easily. Because he dazzled me with his faith I believed in him more. He was a true wolf in sheep's clothing. I believe she may have been a manipulator as well and that I was a threat because they are still dating even though she told me she was done with him as well. I realized I am much better off. A man like that should not be trusted.
A month after we broke up an old friend contacted me, and we began talking. In the past, the timing has always been terrible as far as us trying to date or even being close friends. We are both single now and met up to talk. He confided in me that he really likes me, always has, and that he wants to date me and asked for the chance. He, however, considers himself agnostic. I told him my fear regarding that since I am putting Jesus before everything in my life now. He told me he wants to learn more about Christianity and Jesus and become faithful because of the changes he's seen in me, how happy I am, and others who are close to him who's found God and are happy as well.
My trust is minimal from my last experience and this man technically is not a believer right now. Would God send me someone to guide me to the light? I am new in my faith. I do not know if I am strong enough in my faith to do that. Also, I plan to save myself for my future husband. I have not told him this yet. When we met he kissed me simply at the end of the night, and I felt very weird like it wasn't right. I don't know if I should take that feeling as we should only be friends or if time is needed for him to grow on me. In the past, especially with the last guy when he kissed me, I felt fireworks almost instantly and was very happy. Was that just lust? Is what I am experiencing now the grounds for true love? Please help me. I am praying incessantly, and I don't want to hurt this guy. He's a very good man. I just don't know about it though.
Thank you for your time! God Bless.
Answer:
A portion of your difficulty is that make decisions based partly on facts and heavily on emotions. Your emotions can be manipulated, as your former boyfriend proves. The facts remain the same. "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered" (Proverbs 28:26).
While you can be encouraging this man to become a true Christian, you will be better off having an experienced man teach him. You want to know whether he wants to serve Christ on his own and not just to impress you.
Along with that, you need to be very clear that you aren't having sex until you get married. Show him "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). In this way, it isn't your opinion, but you following God -- something he says he too is interested in doing.
Hold off making a decision or commitment until you see that he actually becomes a Christian and seems to be devoted to Christ. Then look at his qualities and decide if such a man is one you want to have as your husband. The idea that there is just one man God intends for you to marry is false. See: Does God have a say in whom we choose as a spouse?
