It seems to me that we have no choice but to live together
Question:
I have lived in sin for as long as I have breathed, but I am now trying to get closer to God and change for the better, to please Him and do things His way. But only one thing is stopping me, I live with my boyfriend. We have one son and are not married. I never knew what we were doing is a complete sin, for I was not taught all this when I was younger. I was searching for Bible verses and came across one that says what we are doing is a sin. I'm in so much pain for doing what I'm doing, and I don't know how to fix it. I have nowhere else to go, no one to stay with or leave to until we are married. If I did, I would go away and not continue this sin I'm in. We're both young, in our mid-twenties, while living together. He does everything on his own and does not rely on his parents, nor do I. Our son is three and I don't want him raised as I am living. How do I fix this?
Of course, marriage would be the answer, but, to be honest, we cannot afford it at all. We're doing so bad at the moment and I know our sin is why. I know we can't have sex, so no sex is being done anymore. But that still leaves the situation of living together and our son. How do we fix the sin of having had our son, without being married? I'm so torn apart and feel so guilty.
We have no choice but to live together. Our parents aren't around, so we're stuck living together. I want to marry him, and he says he'll marry me, but yet no move toward that has been made. He says he'll marry me to not lose me, but I can't have him marry me that way because once we're divorced, if it doesn't work out, then I'm to be alone forever, or a divorced woman who cannot remarry or have relations because it's considered adultery. So I would only marry him because he wants to and is really ready.
How can I fix this situation? How can I be close to God when what I'm doing is a sin? But I have no other choice. I'm stuck here. Please help. I don't want to continue living in sin and away from God. I feel as if either way it goes, I'm doomed to go to Hell. If so, I will still love God no matter what, for I learned of my sins too late.
Answer:
"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (I Corinthians 10:13).
Oh, the lies we tell ourselves to soothe our guilt. There is always a way out of every sin. In your case, you act like someone in a burning building who sees the exit door standing wide open, but because there are flames near it won't leave.
We can't afford it
Here you place an unreasonable expectation on your wedding. Because you have in mind a large expensive affair, you realize that it won't fit your budget. Who says you have to have an expensive wedding? I know in my area it costs all of $15 to get a marriage license. To pay a justice of the peace to do the ceremony will typically run you less than $100. My "fee" for doing weddings is to study with me about the purpose of marriage; I don't ask for money. You probably can find someone like that in your area as well. So the only one setting the price high is yourself. Therefore, you are the one deciding you can't get married; it isn't the real cost that is stopping you.
If you are talking about the cost of being married, you are already living together, so it is an imaginary issue.
Fixing the sin of having a child
The sin was in having sex with a man to whom you were not married. Having a child was not a sin; it was the consequence of having sex. So make his relationship with his parents permanent and on a legal standing -- get married.
We want to get married, but he won't make the first move
Then find a time when you both can get down to the courthouse together and say to him, "I don't want to be your mistress, I want to be your wife. Let's go make our relationship permanent."
If I marry him, then I'm stuck if we get a divorce
If you didn't think you wanted to be with this man for the rest of your life, then why are you living with him and having babies? It is true that only married people can get a divorce, but why are you even planning on divorcing this man? The only way to approach marriage is to see that it is permanent -- for the rest of your lives. "For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband" (Romans 7:2). Divorce should not even be an option. Divorce comes about because people sin and it ought to be your aim to not sin.
What you are doing is throwing up an imaginary argument. It is similar to saying, if I drive a car I might get into an accident and be paralyzed for the rest of my life, so I'm not going to drive. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" (Matthew 6:34).
If I marry him, one of us might commit adultery
This is the same false argument. You are saying that if you stop sinning, you might start sinning in a different way. Sin is sin. Both fornication and adultery will keep you out of heaven (I Corinthians 6:9-10). So if you want to do what is right, you stop sinning and you don't plan on committing future sins.
I don't want to marry him if it is only because he is afraid of losing me
Excuse me? What is keeping him with you now? You are his companion. He loves you. He doesn't want to live life without you. What better reasons are there for marriage? What you are doing is placing a requirement for marriage that is nearly impossibly high and then complaining you can't get over it. But once again, you are the one setting the standard -- no one else. You are the one making it "impossible" for yourself.
It is clear to me that you are your own worse enemy in this matter. You know the right thing to do. "Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin" (James 4:17).
Response:
Wow! Your words really helped me a lot and brought light to my eyes and heart. Thank you!
