Is my only change of being with someone else is if my husband dies first?
Question:
Oh, where do I start?
My husband and I are officially roommates. We have been married for over 25 years, and more than half of them have been miserable. He was extremely abusive verbally, mentally, emotionally, and physically, starting 15-plus years ago with me and our children. To the point that we separated everything from each other. From household chores to finances, everything. We considered ourselves no longer married even though we never got divorced. I was so depressed and full of anxiety, the thought of going home after work knowing he would be there made me a wreck, I would ball. Even the sound of his voice made me sick.
I stopped caring about living righteous, and I met a man at work, fell in love with him, and ended up moving in with him about five years ago. I only lived with him for four months. Things became good again, and my conscience got to me. I knew I was committing adultery, and I wanted to do right, so I repented, left the man I love, and went back to my husband, who asked me to come back and has since stopped being abusive, but I have absolutely no feelings for him as a wife should. When he asked me to return, he wrote something promising that he would never ask me to have relations with him. I've tried to tell myself I need to do my wifely duty, but even the thought makes me cringe and want to cry. It stirs up very bad memories. He is still the same person, just more tolerable to live with. His language and ugliness aren't directed specifically towards me, but I still see and hear it when it comes to other things.
When I came back, I found out that he cheated on me when our second child was a baby, 20-plus years ago. I never knew until all of this happened, and I moved back in. We will never be a true married couple, and now we have both committed adultery and repented.
In saying all that, I assume, at this point, the only chance of being with someone else is if my husband passes away. Is that correct?
Answer:
You are correct that both of you have acted shamefully, and neither of you has a right to a second marriage until one of you dies. However, you are ignoring another course. You have made a lifetime commitment to each "for better or worse." What happened should not have occurred, but steps have been made to improve the marriage. Instead of continuing with your decision to be miserable in this marriage, you can decide to learn to love and respect your husband. He can learn to love and treat you as someone he values. It won't be easy. You have years of bad habits to break, but Christianity is about change and becoming more like Christ. You both can change and, in doing so, change your marriage.
Instead of longing for what life hasn't given you, learn to make the best of what you have. You might find that you have more than you realize.
