My father is an evil narcissist. I feel my life is in danger if I show up at his home unannounced because he has threatened me and then he apologizes when he feels good and ready. His words are routinely evil, piercing, and hurtful. He has said he doesn’t need a daughter like me. (By the way, I've been his caretaker and chauffer for decades.) Everything must be swept under the rug when he says he is sorry.
He is bedridden and emotionally abusive. I have been yelled at and cursed out because he is frustrated with himself. He always had illusions of grandeur and a God-complex before his disabilities were a thing. I’ve done far more for him than he’s ever done for me as a parent. I don’t respect him as a man. He was always cheap, stingy, and thought the world revolved around him.
Due to his abusive behavior, all his relatives, his two daughters, and other contacts have deserted him. Social Services checks up on him and takes him to and from clinics, hospitals, etc. I wanted to help him in his old age. I’m saddened by his life. I have repeatedly offered to bring him to church so he can be baptized. He led me to believe he would someday but it was all lies. He will say anything to get his way.
My last response to his horrible treatment and perpetual gaslighting was to cut all ties with him indefinitely. We live almost two hours apart. I no longer reach out or believe a word he says. None of this feels Christ-like; yet, I cannot help but feel like he is reaping what he has sown. Am I being a bad daughter by not reaching out to him? I’m only asking because he can’t walk. Although he is set up with social services.
I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you so much for your time. I am a long-time reader here and a member of the church.
Call him once in a while to make sure he is being cared for properly. If he becomes abusive over the phone, just tell him that since he can't talk pleasantly, the conversation will end. Then hang up.
Honoring your parents does not mean you have to take abuse from them. It means that you see to it that they are cared for in their old age. If a parent can't be nice, then do what you can. Hopefully, over time he might calm down just to be able to stay in contact.