I’m scared of the thoughts in my head

Answer:

"But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by a human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I know nothing against myself, yet I am not justified by this; but He who judges me is the Lord" (I Corinthians 4:3-4).

Like a number of people, you are getting caught in a trap. Ideas that you don't accept are popping up in your head, but because they are in your head you assume that they must be your own idea. Because you don't like those ideas, you sit in judgment on yourself and condemn yourself for having those ideas pop up in your mind. Things then spiral out of control. The more you try to suppress the thoughts, the more they keep coming up, so you decide you must be a really bad person.

So let's back up a bit and see what is happening. Your brain doesn't handle one thing at a time. There are thousands of signals flying around at the same which allows you to read a book, while listening to music, while scratching the dog, while telling your mom you'll get to it in a moment while wondering what smells so good, etc. We're not conscious of all the underlying messages flying around most of the time. A few people "overhear" some of the internal thoughts. Some have problems with "mislabeling" in their brains: A memory is being fetched, but for some reason, the brain labels it as something that is coming from the ears and the person is convinced they are hearing voices when no one is there. A lot of people experience mislabeling in regards to time. Something happens but their brain labels it as a memory instead of a current event and the person experiences a feeling of deja vu -- feeling like you been there before.

For most people passing thoughts are just that -- passing through and not given credence. But some people dwell on these thoughts. It seems to be a particular problem during adolescence because during this time your brain is rewiring itself for adulthood. Odd thoughts and obsessive ideas are prevalent among teenagers as a result.

When we are focused on something we tend to notice "related" things. There is the old myth that bad news comes in threes. It really doesn't. Bad things and good things happen all the time, but when a bad thing grabs our attention, we tend to focus on each succeeding bad event until the count of three is reached. You are doing something similar. You had a passing bad thought about Satan and then became "sensitive" to every allusion to Satan thereafter, even though those types of things are around all the time. Those aren't signs; they are a measure of your awareness of events you normally don't notice.

It seems backward, but the way to handle bad pop up thoughts is to accept that they happen and that you know they aren't good thoughts. You are forgetting that because you know they aren't good that this judgment shows your character -- not the passing thought. Everyone gets tempted by sin (James 1:13-16). Being tempted is not a sin. It becomes a sin when we accept the idea, like the idea of doing it, and are looking for an opportunity to do it. At this point, it is lust and it is a problem.

But to be tempted, Satan has to get us to think about the sin for at least a moment. Some people face these and think: "That's ridiculous! I'm not going to do that." And then they are able to dismiss the thought. Other people think about it and decide they like the idea and so eventually sin. But there are some people who do neither. They reject the idea, but then condemn themselves for the idea being there. Thus, they fall into a hidden trap.

Like Paul, you need to stop judging yourself. Let God do the judging. Your job is to judge whether something is in accordance with God's Will or not by measuring it against what you know God has taught in the Bible. When you find something is wrong, reject it for being wrong, but don't reject yourself. God judges you, not you -- you are too biased to make an accurate judgment. In such matters, you must not rely on your feelings. Your personal emotions are not an accurate reflection of reality. Your emotions are too easily manipulated. Judge matters facing you, as accurately as you can, based on facts.

There are going to be times when you will realize that certain things you have done or things you have accepted in your mind are sinful. You will know they are wrong because it doesn't match up with what God said you should do. When you come up short, which we all do on occasion, you change your behavior, take the problem to God, and ask for His forgiveness. "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us" (I John 1:8-10). But stop telling God what He should do with you. Focus on doing your best for God.