I’m committing adultery, but we are in love. I know it is wrong, but what do I do?
Question:
I need your help urgently, please!
I am a Christian in faith and believe and accepted the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I'm not actively serving God although I do pray from time to time and ask His forgiveness.
My problem is this: I am dating a Muslim woman in secret. She is married to a Muslim man from her country. She wanted to divorce him from a long time ago, even before she met me. Unfortunately, he doesn't want to divorce her and according to their laws, he's the only one who can allow the divorce to take place unless she has hard evidence against him. Her reasons for divorcing are valid, and she was forced to marry this man even though she never loved him!
Both of us are in love and love each other and this was even before we started being sexually active. I know all of this is wrong, but still, I love her and don't want to be without her. She said to me in time her husband will let go and get the divorce but that might take a long time. Please help me and tell me what should I do! Will God still punish me for what I'm doing even though she is not with her husband? They don't live together nor see each other!
Please help me regarding this matter!
Answer:
"But why do you call Me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do the things which I say? Whoever comes to Me, and hears My sayings and does them, I will show you whom he is like: He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently against that house, and could not shake it, for it was founded on the rock. But he who heard and did nothing is like a man who built a house on the earth without a foundation, against which the stream beat vehemently; and immediately it fell. And the ruin of that house was great" (Luke 6:46-49).
Claiming to be a Christian and living a Christian life are two different things. A claim alone will not save a person from his sins. "Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. ... And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!'" (Matthew 7:21,23).
If you strip away all the distracting pieces of information, we come down to one absolute fact: you are having sex with a married woman. Plain and simple: you are committing adultery. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). You are deceiving yourself thinking that you can somehow be pleasing to God while ignoring what He says not to do. "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life" (Galatians 6:7-8).
You did not say what her reasons for wanting a divorce from her husband. There is only one that God allows which allows the innocent party to remarry: "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9). In your case, you both are guilty of adultery. If her husband divorces her, then she has no right to marry someone else.
Love is not a justification for sin or for helping a woman destroy her marriage. Love "does not rejoice in iniquity" (I Corinthians 13:6). This isn't love as the Bible defines it. You desire this woman and you call it "love," but in truth, it is coveting -- the very thing God told the Israelites not to do. "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife" (Deuteronomy 5:21).
"For the wicked boasts of his heart's desire; He blesses the greedy and renounces the LORD. The wicked in his proud countenance does not seek God; God is in none of his thoughts" (Psalms 10:3-4).
Praying to God for forgiveness while you continue your sins is an exercise in futility. "You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God" (James 4:3-4).
There is only one solution and that is to leave your sins and this woman behind. It is past time you became a Christian in truth. "Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves" (James 1:21-22).
Question:
Thank you, Jeffrey!
You're right about everything. Will God forgive my sins when I end this relationship and never go back to committing adultery?
Answer:
I would be happier if you had said, "I am ending this relationship." "When" implies you might stop one of these days. The first is a conviction and a dedication; the second is reluctance. "For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:11).
God always forgives when a sinner turns from his sins. " "Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die?" says the Lord GOD, "and not that he should turn from his ways and live?" " (Ezekiel 18:23). What you need to do depends on where you are at. I suspect that you have not yet done fully what God asks of you to be saved from your sins. See: What Must I Do to Be Saved? for details. A Christian who has fallen back into sin doesn't need to start from the beginning again. God merely asks him to confess his sins to God in prayer after he has left his sins and God will forgive him. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9).
Response:
I'm happy to say that I've ended the relationship yesterday! At the same time, I feel sad, but also I feel relieved and free! 🙂 I have repented to God and asked His forgiveness for my sins. My eyes are open and will not allow this to happen again! Thank you so much for your guidance and everything else! To be honest I don't know how I found your website. It might have been by mistake or by God's hand.
