I want to serve the Lord, but my boyfriend doesn’t care to get married
Question:
I live with my boyfriend. We have two kids. I love the Lord; my desire is to serve Him, but I know living together without being married is wrong. Repeatedly I've told him how I feel about the whole situation. He doesn't care to get married, and I am tired of living in sin. What should I do? How should I handle this situation?
Answer:
"If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple" (Luke 14:26-27).
Jesus is not talking about an absolute hatred but a relative view of value. To be a Christian, we have to put Jesus ahead of everything else. In your case, you want to follow Christ, but you've placed having a man in your bed first in your life. The result is that decisions become difficult as conflicts between what you know is right interferes with what you think will bring you happiness.
There is no getting around the fact that living with a guy you are not married to is sinful. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). It is sinful because it does bring about the best life for those involved. "And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments of the LORD and His statutes which I command you today for your good?" (Deuteronomy 10:12-13). God's laws are not arbitrary. They are always for our good when we follow them. But though you say you are convinced of this, you don't do anything about it. "Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves" (James 1:21-22).
You really haven't given your boyfriend any reason to marry you. He has sex, a home, kids, etc. By doing nothing, he has what he wants because he isn't as interested as you are in serving God.
Tell him that you love him, but that you want him as a husband. Then move out and tell him where you and the children can be reached when he is ready to get married. Of course, all of this means you need to have a place to go and means of supporting yourself and the children. It is a lot to do in a short amount of time. But it is what needs to be done.
I can't guarantee that he will come to his senses and marry you. He might just decide to find another woman who is an easy pushover. Whatever his choice, you'll have to take that into stride as you continue down the path to living righteously. Likely that walk with God will be difficult at first. You've started out going in the wrong direction and it will take effort to get your life going in the right direction. However, in the long run, I can say with certainty that your life will be better.
